#'Why was the last thing you ever did to me such a horrible command as a leader

[bonefall]

Does leopard still have 3 lives in her final battle? Or was that changed?

Yep. I think she drowned her once, then Leopardstar lunges up refreshed, and she gets the upper paw on Mistyfoot with 2 lives to go.

(MAYBE tw gore, but I really did try to be tasteful about a head being smashed on a rock.)

On her back, splashing and thrashing furiously against Leopardstar's claws dunking her head under, Mistyfoot glimpses a wave breaking just over the tip of a stone-blue rock. Her only chance.

With a surge of power, her claws sink into her leader's golden shoulder and they tumble and roll to the right. Before the tyrant even realizes what's happening, she's yanked up, and then whipped backwards with a wet CRUNCH

And then again

And again

And again, until Mistyfoot can't even make out what's left of her leader anymore. All she can see is that it's a red, brown, and yellow blur, because her eyes burning with salty tears and her whole body is trembling.

She drops the corpse onto the stone and it slides into the water, lifelessly. After a moment it spasms aimlessly one last time, like an insect does after its head is bitten off, unlike the deliberate, agonized throes of Tigerstar suffering through his doomed lives. And then it's still.

There's only the tranquil sound of bubbling water, and Mistyfoot's frenzied panting. Her pounding heart makes it hard to hear either.

The blood is carried off by the shallow water in scarlet swirls, but the lake runs pale red as if it's washing it away. Some were aware of this prophecy, but Mistyfoot was not.

It isn't closure to her, or a fulfillment of divine decree. It's just blood that should be on her paws, slicked away by the complicit river. She wished it could feel like it's over, but she's smart enough to know the truth. Has been through enough terrible events like this to understand what comes next.

Her body will move foward. Her mind will need to consider her deputy. Her paw will come down on code-defying cats like Blackclaw and Greenflower. But her heart will stay here, next to the remains of Leopardstar, the same way another piece of it remains at Stonefur's side across space and time.

[lvlyghost]

The Things I Never Said: Part 3

Pairings: Simon 'Ghost' Riley

Summary: You're required for one last mission.

Word Count: 2.5k

Tw: aaaaaangst, hurt with a lot of comfort. injuries, mentions of blood, kissing and slightly suggestive but nothing too explicit. price has to make a hard choice:(poor grammar, bad english ofc💅🏻 foreshadowing to my price fic 'salvation' if you squint.

A/N: i'm not gonna lie, when i wrote the first part of this fic i was bored and never in a million years did it cross my mind y'all would like it this much. sorry if this isn't as good, this is the final part of it, although i plan to write little drabbles every now and then. this was such a nice ride 🩷✨ thx for the support; remember english isn't my first language, corrections are welcome 🤍🐸

Masterlist✨ Part 2

Desk rotation wasn't fun, but it seemed to be the only suitable work for you considering your pregnancy, besides, it would allow Simon to keep an eye on you. At least he's sure you'd be safer in the military base than alone in your home.

Your only companion as you sit in the tech room is nothing more than a computer with two screens and Jimmy, the other tech guy who sits in the far corner across from you.

True to his word, Price had saved you and Simon a horrible martial court plus being discharged. Technically you're no longer a part of the 141 task force which is already upsetting to all of your team; instead working strictly under Price's command and assisting the different branches of the military. Meaning you're no longer subdued to Lieutenant Riley, therefore you're not his subordinate, at least not directly.

You respond to Price and only Price.

Nearing the end of your first trimester your swollen belly has started to show, the same you try to dissimulate by wearing bigger shirts than you would usually wear, but enough for Simon to notice when he'd place a big calloused hand on your stomach.

'It's... tiny.' He had stated, to which you laughed softly.

'Of course it is, your hand is massive!'

You shake your head, with a small smile on your lips as you remember that scene.

"Everything good?" You ask your companion.

"Mhm. You know you're the best for creating the security system right? Not a single breach or flaw. Couldn't ask for a better partner."

"Is that a chai?" Completely ignoring what he just said you point the white disposable cup next to him. He looks between you and his drink.

"Yeah? Didn't know you liked it, here... have it. I can get another." He assures you when you hesitate.

You thank him with glowing eyes and excitement. Cravings... you're embarrassed of the amount of food you've asked from Simon in the middle of the night. Sushi, pizza and even peaches just for the sake of the baby.

He's being the gentlest man on earth. Caring and supportive. Your phone buzzes as you're about to start to work. The screen lights up with a message from your Captain. Huffing you stand up, letting Jimmy know you'll be back in a few minutes, or so you thought.

You're not prepared for the hell unfolding inside John's office.

You're able to hear male voices from the other side of the hallway. You don't know why but your heart begins to race, knocking twice once you've reached the brown wooden door.

"Come in!" Price shouts from inside.

You open the door, greeted by John's hardened eyes and Simon's back as he hunches over the Captain's desk. Confused and much to your dismay there's a gigantic folder between the two men, your eyes fall on Ghost's trembling frame.

He is enraged.

Body buzzing in anger as the soft click of the door interrupts the silence that's fallen suddenly inside.

"You wanted to see me Sir?"

Price slowly stands, Simon doing the same, turning his head ever so slightly to watch you from over his shoulder.

"I need to talk to you, sweetheart." Price begins.

A deep breath exits Simon's chest.

"What is it?" You take a step closer to them, until you're standing next to him, crossing his arms over his chest he remains silent.

"We need you. For a mission." He states. "It's important, sergeant. I don't think anyone else would be able to pull this off." Your eyes dart back to your boyfriend. Staring daggers at his superior. "I'd never ask for this if I had to."

"Bloody hell Price, she's not fucking going!" He is seething.

The gut-wrenching feeling sets in your belly, tossing and turning with anxiety. Simon isn't taking this well and you don't want to see him like this, it breaks your heart.

"How important, Sir?" You ask.

Ghost snaps his head towards you. Jaw tightening, and calls your name ever so softly.

"Don't." He barks. "Don't fucking play the hero, kid." He warns you.

"I'm not trying to play the hero, Simon." You talk back. "I'm trying to figure out how to get this done. I might have someone else that could go in my place." Price sighs. "Can I do it from the base? Maybe I don't have to leave the compound."

"Reports say the files are heavily encrypted. It's the Russians, sergeant. We're not dealing with amateurs." He turns to Ghost emphasizing the last word. "You more than anyone should understand, Lieutenant."

"Not when you're bloody sending her to a suicide mission!"

"These are not my orders Simon! General Shepherd wants her! I tried to talk him out of it. I can't do much more, son." You swallow when Simon starts pacing around like a rabid dog, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Is there any way I can do it? She can guide me through it the whole time..." he's back, leaning closer to his Captain. "I know I...-"

"Unless you know how to code and decrypt systems to perfection it can't be, Ghost. I'm sorry."

"It would only slow down the mission, get you caught. And in danger..." you reasoned, mumbling and staring down to your feet. There's no one else. Not even Jimmy. The one you had in mind.

Simon's mouth snapped shut.

His eyes are helpless when he connects them with yours. The realization of what's about to happen sinking in his core, he tried. He really did.

One long stride and he's embracing you, so tightly you think you'll suffocate; you hug him back, head resting right over where his heart beats frantically against his ribcage.

"I'm coming with her." He snarls. "Not Kyle, not Johnny. And certainly not someone from fucking KorTac." He turns to glare at Price with a death stare. "It'll be me, no one else."

-

"John's devastated." You tell him. Your back pressing against his hard chest. The water in the bathtub is warm, and smells like lavender and sandalwood. After the catastrophic meeting a few hours ago, Simon was too outraged to remain at the base so he drove both of you back to the safety of his apartment. You rest your head on his left shoulder, enjoying the delicate touch of his hands on your lower belly. He hums, almost absentmindedly. He didn't want to think about Price, or the mission for all that matters. All he can think of is you. He sighs, closing his eyes he presses a kiss on your hair.

"Bloody fucking bald cunt." He spits. You snort at his comment. Shepherd was a complicated man, and hardly one you could negotiate with once he had his mind set on something or someone.

"When do we have to...-"

"Tomorrow." Your lips are pressed into a thin line. "I'll be there no matter what, right next to you, love." He reassures you. You were never one to hesitate during missions but now... releasing a shaky breath you turn your head to look at Simon.

"I'm scared..." Simon's body goes rigid. The hand on your stomach halting. "It's not even for me, you know?" Swallowing your free hand reaches down to find his own, lacing your fingers with him. A muscle becoming prominent in his jaw as he grits his teeth.

"Nothing will happen to you. Bloody count on it, yeah? First shite I deem dangerous I'm pulling us out of there, understand?" You nod.

"Promise me you won't get hurt." There's a moment of silence that becomes unbearable the longer it extends. "Simon..." his eyes are fixated on yours, shining with what you can only describe as worship. The faintest of smiles spreads across his features.

"Don't you worry about me, sweetheart. Not for one second." Breathing deeply you pull him down for a kiss. It's slow and tender; makes you forget about all the difficulties you face. Biting down his lip, Simon takes it as a sign to further deepen the kiss. Tongues finding each other in a fight for dominance. "Don't wanna think about what tomorrow holds. I have you here right now. That's all I need."

-

Your mind goes back to the moments you and Simon shared last night. It was so simple, so real.

That's how things were supposed to be.

Easy.

Not heart wrenching, not stifling down a cry as you watch him get shot. A bullet that was aimed at you .Breaking in had been easy. Way too easy for your liking. But you thought that for once maybe a mission wouldn't be a pain in the ass. The hardest part was getting inside their systems; John was right. It was hellish even for you. It took more time than what you had anticipated. No one would've been able to pull it off.

"Whoever is behind this, they're good." You acknowledged as you type down the codes that will eventually get you in.

"Bloody brilliant you are, kid." Simon watches from the other side of the room, eyes scanning the hallway every now and then looking for any possible hostiles. You send him a coy smile.

"Keep looking at me like that and I'll get no work done."

"How am I supposed to look at you then?" He asks

You don't answer because the screen in front of you suddenly shifts from 'Access denied' to 'Access granted'.

"Got you." You whisper. Simon stands straight. You plug your USB and start downloading all the information as well as setting a virus so their system gets permanently damaged.

"What is it?" He gruffly asks when the files finished downloading on your own device. Clearing your throat you try to ignore the horrible pictures you just took a glimpse of.

"Just... insanity." Is all you can say. A loud metallic sound echoes in the room, you never get to see the person behind you. Ghost's eyes widen and he barks an order your ears don't register, static fills your eardrums. The gunfire starts but lasts mere seconds. Crimson blood splutters from Simon's body.

You stand up, knocking down the chair as you jump out and run where Simon's injured body kneels. You fall down grabbing him by the face. The pain you're feeling deep inside has never been worse.

"I'm fine." He hisses. "Just my fucking shoulder."

As if that would make you feel better.

"Let's get the hell out of here." Your lips quiver. You run back to retrieve the small USB drive.

The body of a man lays down, a pool of blood forms around him. He was hiding behind you the entire time. Had Simon been distracted the outcome could've been atrocious. Yo don't dwell on it.

"Come on, baby." You urge him, crouching down to help Simon as much as you can to get him standing. His weight is just too much for you, you think, when he finally raised to his feet.

"S'okay love. Don't... don't overwork yourself. I'm too heavy, don't wanna get you hurt because of me."

Tears form in the corner of you eyes at such selfless act.

"You're the one who got hurt because of me, Simon." You stammer.

"So what? Would fucking die for you." You shake your head but keep close to him. Pressing down the wound on his shoulder as you head towards the exit. "Evac point is ten minutes away. We should be fine." The gun that rests on your thigh feels heavier than it should.

You're lucky, you guess as you walk away from the god forsaken building.

Lucky that you have him by your side, even when his blood stains your fingers. He's there, you're there and you're making it out alive. Wounded or not, Simon would never let anything happen to you, that's how deep his love for you was.

He wasn't like his dad at all.

He was real, caring, something not much people knew. Not in their lifetime.

The amount of blood he was losing was inhumane. An injured shoulder couldn't cause someone to lose this much blood, you ponder. Your black shirt feels sticky and damp, you take a quick glance and hold back a sob. Another gunshot wound, one he didn't care enough to tell you about and you didn't notice, too scared to even think.

Far in the distance between two big threes a black truck awaits. Johnny's face dropping when he noticed Ghost's decaying form. He rushes in your direction, taking him off of you, carrying his weight. He gives you a concerned look.

"Johnny..." you choke up. "We have to save him, please."

-

It's been the worst 48 hours of your life since you landed. He got two surgeries done in order to remove the fragments from inside his body. You were exhausted, barely ate or slept. It almost felt criminal, selfish, when your eyes started to close and finally gave in.

Then the nightmares came.

Ones where he didn't make it back and instead you had to leave him behind and never got to meet his child.

A warm feeling spreads from your skin. A faint touch. Are you still dreaming? His face erupts in your subconscious mind and you cry again. He's fine.

When you slowly open up your eyes you're met with blue eyes and a raspy voice.

"Don't neglect yourself for me, kid." You're speechless, the searing pain in your heart eases. He knows you so well. Knows you haven't left his side. "Takes more than a bullet to keep me away from you." When you don't move nor speak he continues, clearing his throat. "Come here, sweet thing."

There's a new wave of tears that fall mercilessly down your cheeks. You carefully climb up next to Simon's good side.

"Don't you ever scare me like that!" you weep. Sobbing uncontrollably Simon hushes you. Murmuring words of comfort in your ear. The anesthesia is still making him feel dizzy but that doesn't stop him from kissing every part of your face. Your hair, your forehead, your cheek and finally your lips.

"Let's leave this place for a while. Go on vacation while we still can..." you beg.

Simon's lips twitch. He's smiling down at you.

"What do you have in mind doll?"

You breathe deeply.

"Greece. I always wanted to go to Greece."

There's moments in life when you doubt you'll get a happy ending. Being with Simon at first was pure coincidence, something that had evolved from deep admiration and respect, which then turned into something more. It turned out to sleepless nights at the common room with the task force. Longing stares during briefings. Looking after each other during missions.

The training sessions together. Lending his massive leather jacket because you were always reluctant to bring your own. That one night he couldn't resist it anymore and went to your dorm. How you felt under his touch, oh he was touch starved when it came to you. And when he learned he was going to be a father, that moment would be ingrained into his memory until his very last day.

"Greece it is."

It's a promise.

TAGS:

@nijiru @illyanam1011

[taestarii]

☼my cure - newt

[newt x reader]

synopsis - newt survives because my heart needed to be healed

warning! swearing, mention of newts accident, blood and knife use

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"You."

I could feel heavy blood running through my veins. This didn't feel like me, I felt… different. Loud thoughts clouded me like thick fog. I could feel my mind slipping away.

"Newt..?" Y/n's voice made me shiver. I had no control anymore, it took everything in me to not lunge at her. I never wanted to hurt her, I never did, but this wasn't me. I was something else, something uncontrollable.

"You're the cure. It's in your blood."

"Newt, what are you-?" I lost it.

I tackled her and her head slammed into the ground. Stop it! Stop hurting her! I knew what I was doing but I couldn't stop it. The virus took control and it knew she had the cure. It was like I was watching a horrible movie through my eyes, one where I hurt the love of my life.

She was the one good thing the creators ever sent up. I saw my fair share of slinthead greenies, but Y/n was something different. I was scared, and alone, until she came up. She was always there with me, even when I was stupid enough to try and take my own life by jumping off the Maze walls.

"newt," she tried to huff through my hands gripping her throat. That's when I realized there was a knife in my hand. I already knew what the virus was planning to do.

I fought with everything I could but I wasn't strong enough. I needed to take control, I needed to take control and get through to Y/n. It felt like I was ripping through my own mind as I pushed, and I pushed. I knew I was there, I could feel-

- "Well hello, greenie." I greeted a very timid girl, huddled in the corner of the Box. "What the fuck is a greenie?" She shot back. That received a lot of laughs and snickers from the other guys. We only had a handful of people in the glade so far, a greenie monthly and we only had about seven, now eight. "Where am I?"

"Welcome to the glade, greenie! I'm Newt, and up there is the first in command, Nick. And second in command, Alby." The two boys waved from the top as she stood on a box and looked out. "What the hell are those walls?" She asked, lifting herself out. "Why am I here? Why can't I remember anything?"

"Slow down, greenie. I know you have a lot of questions, but we only have limited answers. Your name should come back to you in a little wh-"

"Y/n."

-

"y/n," I whimpered out.

"It's me, Newt." She whispered, tears filling her eyes. "I'm right here." She cupped her face around my cheeks. I knew I didn't have enough time, I needed to get my point out now.

"Kill me."

"What..?"

I shoved the knife into her hands. "Kill me now!" I yelled. She flinched, the knife clutched in her shaky hands. "If you've ever loved me you'll kill me now, Y/n. You'll kill me before I turn into one of them." Tears ran down her cheeks as she sobbed. "Of course I fucking love you, Newt! I have since the glade. You're my everything.“ My tears mixed with the rain as I coughed up a heavy amount of blood. I was losing it, she needed to do it now.

"I love you so much, Y/n. That's why I need you to kill me, now. PLEASE FUCKING KILL ME."

Something snapped. The virus took over and I lost control as I jumped on her and tried to take the knife. Stumbling back on to the floor, we wrestled with the knife. The virus was trying to kill her for her blood, but I needed her to be alive. She had so much life left to live.

She screamed out in pain, the knife had gashed her in her stomach. It took everything she had to flip herself over on top, still crying out in agony. Her wound bled out everywhere as I fought for control of the knife, I kicked and screamed, grabbing the knife and her hands trying to desperately flip it around on her.

…

Suddenly the world came to a standstill. She did it, she plunged the knife into my chest. I fell back onto the ground behind me as Thomas and Minho came running over, grabbing her as she desperately kicked and punched. The last thing I heard was her screaming my name.

"I love you."

-

"Hey, can we talk?" I walked over to Y/n, my long time best friend. It took me a lot of courage to walk over to her, I didn't know how she was going to take this considering she's probably the most sporadic, unpredictable person I know.

But she's brave when I'm scared, she's hot-headed when I'm calm and maybe that's what I love about her. She's everything that keeps me even and she means everything to me. Today's the day I decided I'll tell her how I feel.

"Of course! Have a seat." She said, patting the ground next to her. I sat down and plopped back on the thick tree stump with a heavy exhale. "You alrighty, Newtie?“ You asked with a laugh. God, he thought you were beautiful. Everything from your laugh tho your hair, to how you yelled at the boys to keep then in line. It was like you kept the whole glade together.

"I wanted to tell you something, something I've had on my mind for a while." She turned and looked at me questioningly. "I've felt something more towards you, like there was something else I felt towards you other than friendship. I value you more than anyone in this glade but I also deeply admire you. Your beauty, how you're so eager to help out, how you always compliment Fry's mediocre cooking without fail." She let out a laugh as her cheeks flushed. "Are you trying to say you like me?"

I stumbled trying to find the right words when I suppose a yes would have done fine. She leaned in and brushed her hand across my cheek before her lips met mine. I completely froze, and she pulled away when she realized I wasn't kissing back.

"I'm so sorry, I thou-"

I wrapped my hands around the back of her neck and pulled her in for another kiss, this time deeper, more meaningful.

-

"Wake up!" A tall, big man in full armor shouted at me over the loud horn of a..

boat?

"Where the bloody hell am I?" I said, trying to sit up and immediately doubling over from the pain in my chest. "What the-?"

"Man, your lucky we got there when we did, you were bleeding out like crazy, can't believe that knife missed your heart." Oh no. Oh no no no no. I can't be here, I need to leave before-

I lifted up my shirtsleeve to find nothing on my arm, no virus in my veins. How is this even possible?

The events of that day flooded back to me, that one line repeating over and over again.

"You're the cure. It's in your blood."

During the fight her blood entered my bloodstream, the blood that would cure me. It's because of her, the girl I begged to kill me that night was the reason I'm still standing.

"Welcome to Paradise." I looked over from the edge of the boat to see a beautiful island. Sure it wasn't much, but there was people everywhere, some laughing and dancing, some getting food, and some making a bonfire. I prayed that Y/n had made it here, if anything she deserved to be here and not me.

"Do you know if a Y/n got here?" He thought about it for a moment. "Nah man, sorry. I don't know much about the people here. But what I do know, is that you're very lucky to be here. We found you half cranked out in the middle of the city, so if it wasn't for my crew I would have left your sorry ass."

The boat docked and the first thing on my mind was to find Y/n. If there was one thing I knew, it was that I desperately needed a shower. My tour guide took me to a disinfectant room, he gave me a change and I showered, probably the best treatment I've had in a very long time.

The sun never really showed since I got here, the island in a constant gray haze. I got led around to get a feel for the island, but everything felt unfamiliar, from the island down to the people. I passed dozens of faces, each either looked at me like there was sometimes wrong with me, or glanced and moved on. I prayed to see a familiar face. I prayed to see her face.

"Newt?"

I whipped my head around.

"Y/n?" My heart dropped. The memories from that night flooded in. Her tear covered face flashed my memory as she plunged that knife into my chest. How could she ever forgive me for what I did to her that night? I took a step forward and she staggered back.

"Is it really you?" Her voice was small, tears started filling her eyes. I nodded, tears filling my own as she ran into my arms. "I can't believe it's you!" She sobbed into my chest, being careful to avoid my injury. She pulled away and looked into my eyes. "How is this even possible?" She sniffled.

"You, love. You were my cure."

---

hope you enjoyed my first newt fic! little angsty but it all works out

request link

[five-bi-five-mind]

Can i request toxic ex!wanda trying to get reader back no matter what it takes after doing her wrong and not knowing her worth? And reader just being extremely mad and done with wanda. I'd love to be manipulated by her 🥰🤝

Me & the Devil

Fandom: Marvel

Pairings: Wanda Maximoff x fem!reader

Genre: Dark fic (seriously dark!!) + Smut & Angst

Words: 11.5k+

Summary: It took everything ounce of strength you had to leave Wanda behind. When you did you tried your best to rebuild a life for yourself without her. You had a new career in a city far away and you were trying to restart your love life too. Only it was going horribly for you so far. Until Kate Bishop happened. Was she going to be the person to finally get you over Wanda? You thought so, until Wanda showed up at your door. And when she did, nothing prepared you for the measures she took to get you to let your guard down...

Warnings: toxic!Wanda; strap-on use (r receiving); face-fucking/riding (Wanda receiving); unhealthy relationships; oral (Wanda receiving); fingering (r receiving); choking; dub-con; kidnapping; non-con voyeurism kinda; alcohol mention; stalking; top!Wanda; bottom!r; dom/sub dynamics; tiniest bit of mommy kink...

A/N: lol this is the darkest thing I have ever written... you said toxic ex!Wanda and I really gave you toxic. Maybe it's not quite the request you asked for but... oops. But seriously folks take the warnings serious!! And tell me if I need to add more.

It happens almost every single time. You were starting to think there might be something seriously wrong with you to be ghosted so often. This was a pattern at this point: You’d connect with someone and meet up for a date. The date, in your mind, would go amazingly. Both of you would laugh and chat and they’d usually be the one to say something like “let’s do this again” and you’d happily agree. But then after you both part ways and a few days pass there’s no text, no call, no signs of following up on that hopeful promise to meet again. You’d text them once, maybe twice if you really felt strongly about meeting, but still you’d be met with nothing. You got ghosted. In the past six months, this has happened way more times than you’d like to admit. The first two times, you could convince yourself that they just weren’t that into you. It wasn’t you, it was probably them. But then it kept happening and happening and happening. How long could you say it wasn’t you? What were you doing to repel so many people? 

After the last date you went on and then were subsequently ghosted, you were really considering giving up hope. But then somehow you got convinced to try again. This time it was a little different though. It wasn’t someone you met on a random dating app or a girl who happened to randomly pass her number to you at a coffee shop or a bar. No, this time it was someone you actually kind of already knew. It was someone you worked with, someone you already had a sort of established friendship with. 

Usually, you’d be hesitant to agree to dating someone who had a professional relationship with you. Not to mention, she was kind of above you in the chain of command at your work. But when Kate Bishop waltzed right up to you and asked you out she was so charming and kind. She reassured you she would understand if you said no and that nothing would be weird if it didn’t work out. She smiled at you in the most endearing way and never failed to make you laugh even from your very first day working with her. Why wouldn’t you say yes? Honestly, you were just shocked she saw you as anything more than a work friend. So yeah, you decided to agree to a date. After all, it would be incredibly hard to ghost someone you have to see regularly at work. If things didn’t work out, she promised you’d still be friends and it wouldn’t affect the workplace. And while, yeah, a lot of people probably say that, you really believed that she meant it.

Prepping for the date had you honestly giddy this time. You asked some friends to accompany you to the mall so you could buy a nice outfit. When you asked what the date would be, Kate gave you the name of an entirely too expensive restaurant. She promised it would all be on her dime, no matter how much you protested. Her exact words were that she wanted to “sweep you off your feet” and you couldn’t help the blush that reached your cheeks when she said that. So, if you weren’t paying then the least you could do was invest in something nice to match the place she was taking you to.

Honestly, you were actually really excited about all of this. You had never thought of Kate as more than just a coworker, but you were really ready to see where this night could go. It felt like a turning point for you after all you had been through. Six months of getting ghosted was one thing, but all of that really added salt to the wound that was your horrible breakup that happened prior to all of those failed dates. This would be different though, at least you hoped. While you didn’t get to know all the other people who ghosted you well enough to know their character, you did know Kate. She was almost the exact opposite of your ex. She was kind and patient. She wasn’t so damn serious all the time either. Wanda was… well, you didn’t even know where to start. She was cold, she was controlling, and more than anything she had a darkness in her that put you on edge. She didn’t seem to listen to you and only wanted to pay attention to what you had to say when you said that you were leaving her. It was like all you were was a toy to her and it made you miserable. The fights you two had towards the end still shook you. When you and Wanda got together it all happened so fast. One day she saw you and then suddenly she was everywhere. In a blink you found yourself in a relationship with her and you didn’t even know how it all happened. 

Not that you didn’t want to be with her. You had loved Wanda. You had loved her so profoundly, so deeply, so painfully that it was all you knew when you were with her. But then she grew different. More controlling, less caring. After a while you realized it wasn’t the healthiest situation to be in and you begged her for a change. Maybe you would’ve stayed and even dealt with her temperamental nature if she at least opened up to you, but it just didn’t feel like an equal relationship. She expected too much from you with nothing in return. It didn’t feel like love anymore, it felt like ownership. That change you pleaded for never came, so finally you pried yourself away from her.

The thing is, you knew once you left Wanda, you really had to leave. It wasn’t just that you packed your stuff and found an apartment. It was that you picked up your whole life and moved it to another town across the country. You found yourself an apartment and a job before you even left to make sure you had stability and wouldn’t chicken out. That was ten months ago. It took you four to feel like even trying to get back out there. Even though it went rather horribly up until now, with Kate, you thought maybe you could be ready for something real again. 

Except, when the night you’d found yourself eagerly waiting for came and went with no sign of Kate, all those thoughts of restarting your romantic life plummeted. You had gotten to the restaurant, donning the beautiful dress you had bought for this very night. Bragging wasn’t really your thing, but as you got ready and gave yourself a once over in your apartment, you thought to yourself that you had this in the bag. If she was going to sweep you off your feet with a nice night out, you were gonna make her jaw drop with the way you’d make your entrance. 

Admittedly, you were early to the restaurant than Kate requested you meet her at. She had a reservation for the both of you so when you walked in you immediately asked to be seated. You couldn’t help the way you fiddled with the silverware in front of you as you anxiously waited for her to slide into the chair across from you. Only when the agreed upon time came and went, you felt that pit in your stomach that said your hopes were about to be shattered. At first you told yourself it was Kate, she was often a little bit late to just about anything. But then ten minutes passed and then twenty and suddenly you were feeling embarrassed and sick to your stomach and furious all at the same time. You paid for the glass of wine you had ordered and nervously sipped on before walking out of that gorgeous restaurant that promised a fabulous meal with nothing but an empty stomach. 

You weren’t sure if it was the wine that you had mixed with a lack of food or the fact that your eyes were already tearing up in anger just the tiniest bit when you told the waiter you wouldn’t be eating, but you weren’t pleased. As you stormed your way out of that restaurant and waited for an uber to take you home, you didn’t hesitate to shoot Kate what was probably the tenth text in a row. Each one was a little more angry than the last. Of course, it didn’t start out angry. Your first few were concerned but a little joke-y, but then when it became apparent she wasn’t anywhere to be seen, well, then you didn’t hold back too much. 

What was work going to be like when you finally saw her on Monday? You had this naive little idea in your head that you and Kate would hit it off so well that she’d want to spend the whole weekend with you. Maybe it was wishful thinking, but you really thought you could predict that you and Kate would fall into this crazy, cliche romantic relationship after what was supposed to be a dazzling first date. Honestly, you had kind of expected to not be going home alone, or maybe not going home at all. Kate even joked as much when talking about what to expect for this date. You had rolled your eyes at her bluntness, but if you were being honest with yourself it had given you a little thrill. 

All of that is gone now. The uber picked you up and dropped you off and all the while you somehow managed to keep it together. The tears that threatened to slip through back at the restaurant had been restrained as you sat alone in the back of the car and blankly stared at the thread of messages you had sent to Kate. They all sent, but the last message to be read by her was the one you sent saying you were on your way. Fucking typical, she chickened out at the last second and couldn’t even tell you to turn around.

The more you thought about it as you climbed the stairs of your apartment complex, the angrier you got until you could tell the emotions you were holding back were starting to overflow. Damn, you had been actually excited for this night. Yeah, when you matched with people and agreed to a coffee date with the others you had a little excitement for them too, but not like this. Not like Kate. She felt like this beacon in the darkness that was the last ten months. She felt like she was the one to pick up the pieces from what your last relationship did to you. How could you have been so wrong? 

Now, instead of having a crazy romantic night like you had hoped, you were going to change out of your gorgeous outfit and fall apart alone in your bed in your coziest pair of pajamas. It was a pathetic way to spend the evening, you thought to yourself as you got closer to your unit. How could it possibly get any worse?

“(Y/N),” A familiar voice said from right behind you as you approached your door. You hadn’t realized anyone was even behind you as you made your way to your apartment, so the presence of anyone was going to make you jump out of your skin. But when you heard your name being called your blood ran cold and alarm bells went off. Surely it couldn’t be who you think it is…

You whipped around so fast it made you lose your balance on your heels. A hand shot out quickly though, wrapping slender fingers around your elbow and steadying you. “Hey,” the voice said and you swallowed hard. 

Now that you were face to face, the source of the voice was exactly who you thought it was. Wanda stood there entirely too close to you, with her hand still wrapped around your arm. All you did was gawk at her, in utter disbelief of the turn the night just took. If there was anyone you were expecting to show up, it was certainly not her. You had hoped, as you made your way back home in disappointment, that Kate would be waiting right outside for you. Of course, knowing your luck these past few months, it was the last person you’d ever want to see showing up after such an awful night. 

The circumstances alone made you want to double over in fits of laughter. It was all so just on point with how your life has gone since you left her. Of course Wanda would show up after yet another failed attempt to move on from her. It only feels even more like a cruel joke from the universe that she shows up before you can get home and wipe your face of the frustration tears that you shed as you stomped up the stairs to your apartment. 

It took you a moment to realize that Wanda still had her hand on you and you ripped yourself away from her as if her touch suddenly burned. She didn’t seem phased by your actions, but instead was wearing a surprisingly soft expression. It seemed to add to your embarrassment and frustration. 

There was a moment where you thought maybe you should say something. Right now, the only one to speak was Wanda and all she had to offer after showing up out of nowhere was a measly “hey” so there was a lot that needed to be said right now. For starters, maybe you should ask how the fuck she found you. It wasn’t like when you two broke up you readily gave her your address. In fact, you didn’t tell her much of anything when you left. You knew she had a business trip scheduled for the same time every quarter. So, you took her absence as a means to pack your stuff in a flash and leave. It was that trip that allowed you to prepare, you had given yourself a deadline to find a job and an apartment and leave and that’s exactly what you did. The only thing Wanda knew when she left for that trip was that you were incredibly unhappy with her, to which she just rolled her eyes as she walked out the door. That was the last time you saw her. 

As you settled into your new place the same day Wanda was returning for her trip, you had left her a note and that was it. When that first night alone without Wanda came, you knew she saw the letter. There was one call from her that lit up your phone that night. You ignored it and that was that. She didn’t leave a message and to your surprise, she didn’t try again. 

You thought the book was closed on that relationship after that. Apparently, tonight as she stood right in front of you for the first time in almost a year, you were very wrong about that fact.

“What do you want, Wanda?” You cleared your throat as you spoke. It was rough, you were trying to sound strong and demanding. But after fighting back the urge to sob the whole car ride home, your voice wasn’t coming out the way you wanted. 

“It’s been awhile,” She gave you a small smile, but you didn’t miss the way she absolutely dodged that question.

“Why are you here?” You pressed again. Although, you honestly weren’t sure if you wanted to hear the answer. There were two reasons for that. The first being, you were in a vulnerable state and just wanted to crawl into your bed and lick your wounds. The second being, again, you were in a vulnerable state and if she said the right things she could take advantage of that. She always knew to say the right things. Being near her right now was dangerous. Not only because you were so unprepared to see her again, but because you were feeling so utterly hopeless and your pride was, at this point, completely shattered. 

“I wanted to see you.” Wanda still had that hesitant smile on her face. She looked down at you as if she was actually nervous. Like she was trying to approach you with the utmost caution in fear that you would flee at any second. She wasn’t entirely wrong to think that either, because you were ready to run. Except, she was standing right at your doorstep, so where exactly would you run? You could close the door in her face and lock her out, but you knew Wanda. She was nothing if not persistent. 

There was no response to that statement that would make you feel any stronger or even saner. You wanted to keep your dignity, even if you already looked pretty distraught. So instead you just exhaled, long and slow, before turning to your door.

What was your game plan right now? You couldn’t really tell. It was going to be a horrible decision if you let Wanda take one step inside your apartment, but you had a feeling that was her ultimate goal. Right now, you were running through different things to say. All you could really land on was pleading with her to meet you another day, when you’re less upset and tired. Maybe if you promised her you’d meet with her she would agree. Of course, knowing Wanda, if you said you’d grab coffee and catch up (which is a much friendlier way of putting what would inevitably be a very awkward conversation) she would hold you to that. But anything would be better than letting her slink right on in through your front door.

“Let me help you with that.” Wanda was directly behind you now, her hand reaching out to touch yours. You didn’t realize your hands were shaking so hard until you were trying and failing to get your house key into the lock. The way her hand wrapped around yours as she steadied it and guided the key in, surprisingly helped ground you. It was the familiar touch, even if it was brief and innocent, of her hand on yours that suddenly felt like you were able to catch your breath. 

It was like a shock to your system and now all your nerve endings were finally waking up from a long sleep. It was a weird rush, no matter how brief, to feel with the warmth of her palm pressed to the top of your hand. Accompanied with that was the buzz that you always felt when she was in your personal space as she leaned closer to you from behind. And just like that, once the door was open, her hand slipped from yours and it was all gone.

You squeezed your eyes shut for a minute and took a deep breath. The rush of feelings with just that small of a touch from Wanda was not a good sign for you and definitely not a good sign for your will power either. 

Wanda waited patiently behind you as you began to take the first step into your own apartment. To your surprise, when you turned back around to face her, she hadn’t crossed the threshold. Knowing Wanda, you had expected her to push her way in, to already have one foot in the door as she convinced you to let her stay. But no. Not this time. Instead, Wanda stood there patiently, her eyes boring into yours as she studied your face.

She still had the posture and facial expression of someone who was trying to be incredibly delicate. It was as if she was totally aware that she was walking on eggshells and, for the first time since you’ve known Wanda, she actually cared not to misstep. You were surprised to see her at your doorstep tonight of all nights, but even more so you were in complete disbelief at how patient she was being. If you were to have bet your money on anything, it would have been that the next time you saw Wanda she’d tear you a new one. Maybe she’s changed. Maybe this is why she didn’t contact you after that first night when you left. Was there hope that she could’ve taken a step back and looked at the way she treated you? Why did your brain automatically go to this idea that she actually took the last ten months to work on herself and now she was back to apologize and show you she’d grown? 

Your last thought shot anxiety straight through your veins. That was a slippery slope your thoughts were going down. A slope that might lead into you crashing painfully into the emotionally unavailable wall that was Wanda Maximoff. Except, she was still waiting there, with bright shining eyes that told you she was just relieved to finally see you again. And you, well, you were just standing there in the gorgeous dress you spent way too much money on for a girl you’d known for ten months who didn’t even have the decency to text a rejection to you after promising you the night of your dreams. So why not let the woman who did actually show up and was trying to be kind to you in for the evening? And what’s one more glass of wine? At least this time you’d have company so you wouldn’t just be drowning in your pain and humiliation. 

“Do you…” You paused for a moment watching Wanda’s face for any signs of insincerity or some kind of nefarious plan. She looked back at you with nothing but a soft smile and hope in her eyes. “Do you maybe want to come in for a bit? We can- I dunno… talk?”

“I’d love that.” And just like that you watched as she entered your apartment. When you got this place you had made one promise to yourself and that was to never let Wanda in if she ever found you. You had thought that the minute you’d let her back in she’d consume your life all over again. But here she was, at your doorstep, acting like a completely different person and suddenly that promise to yourself went out the window. You were so taken aback by her patience and gentleness with you in the brief time you’ve been reunited that you didn’t think to ask one important question. How the fuck did she find out you lived here?

—-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“So, she just never showed?!” Wanda leaned back in shock as you nodded vehemently. You two were currently sitting on either side of your couch, with half a bottle of wine already gone through. It had started out as small talk once she entered your apartment. Yes, it was awkward at first, but at least the wine had loosened up some of your nerves. Wanda seemed more relaxed than you had ever seen her. You never thought you’d be describing her this way, but she almost seemed bubbly. It was like a whole new Wanda was sitting right next to you and you were loving everything you were seeing.

The conversation stayed on you the whole time, which also was a bit surprising. Wanda wanted to know how you were doing and even praised you for how independent you had become. It was shocking, but with every proud smile she gave you, you felt your heart swell with pride for yourself as well. 

Somehow, eventually, Wanda asked you why you were so dressed up. That’s when you were surprised by the wave of guilt that hit you in the gut. You shouldn’t feel guilty. It’s been almost a year, so there was nothing to feel remotely bad about. Except, when she asked you that question, you looked down at your lap and fiddled with an invisible string while you mulled over possible ways to respond in a way that made you feel less ashamed.

To your utter surprise, Wanda didn’t even flinch when you decided to tell the truth and confess that you had a date with your coworker who didn’t show. Instead, the part that made her so emotional was the fact that Kate stood you up in the first place, not that you would have a potential new romantic partner that wasn’t Wanda. Where was all the possessiveness she usually showed? You haven’t had the chance to ask Wanda what she had done in these past ten months apart, but you had a feeling you were in for a long, inspiring story about how she’s ready to be a better woman. Even if you didn’t know the full story, you could see in the way she was upset for your pain and only your pain that she had really grown. It was this change that had you so mesmerized by her. It was this display of compassion for your bad night that had you scooting closer to her until your knees were touching. And when Wanda’s hand, after waving in shock as you admitted that you still haven’t gotten a single text from Kate, had innocently landed on your bare knee just below where your dress ended, you didn’t move it. 

“Well, she’s made a huge mistake,” Wanda shook her head. “I mean look at you…” The hand that wasn’t on your knee motioned to your whole body. 

“I know! I paid a lot for this dress, you know.” You giggled, shocked that the sting of tonight’s rejection wasn’t quite as strong as it was a few hours ago. 

“And it was worth every penny.” Wanda’s eyes darkened slightly as they raked up your body. “You look… fucking incredible.” Her voice was slightly lower as she said those last two words and suddenly you felt something shift. It was like something heavy filled the air, an electricity that was almost too much to bear.

Wanda looked back up and locked eyes with you. That gentleness that you had seen all evening was replaced with something else and suddenly you realized you were currently standing on a metaphorical cliff, one more step and you were about to fall right back into Wanda. 

But then she leaned forward and you found yourself leaning too. She was right there next to you, with barely any space separating you two. The smell of her familiar perfume suddenly felt stronger and had your head swimming. The warmth that radiated from her presence was blanketing your entire body, and all you wanted to do was close the gap. Why not jump off that cliff? Obviously, nothing else you’ve been doing has worked so far. This was a sign, the girl you were excited for didn’t even have the respect for you to show up, but who did show up? Wanda. And the whole time she’s been sitting and listening and not pushing anything. She’s changed, that’s what you wanted. You had told her as much when you had all those arguments up until the end. Sometimes it takes a major leap for someone to right their wrongs finally and that seems like what was going on here. That’s what you hoped was happening. So why not indulge? You closed the gap.

The way Wanda let you come to her was surprising. Old Wanda was usually too guarded to let you take the lead, but she was letting you now. Your lips met hers in a hesitant kiss at first, but soon it grew into more. It was familiar and new all at the same time. You surged forward and tangled your hands in her hair and all the while Wanda let you. When you leaned back, pulling her with you, your lips still connected, she happily followed until she was hovering over you. Not once did either of you break the kiss. It was soft, but still had a hint of desperation on your part. Wanda let you take the lead, with your tongue tentatively running against hers when her lips parted for you.

While Wanda’s willingness to let you take the lead shocked you, she still showed that she was enjoying the kiss just as much as you were. When your head met the arm of the couch and Wanda’s body came with you as you leaned back, you felt the way she rolled her body into yours. It was a subtle movement, but you could tell it was her way to get as much contact between the two of you as possible. Meanwhile, the more Wanda pressed her body down against yours, the more your dress rode up. You were so lost in the way Wanda’s lips felt on yours that you jumped when you felt her knee press between your legs. That act felt like someone pouring ice cold water straight on your body.

“Wait!” Your voice was muffled by the way Wanda was still trying to kiss you, but when you pulled back she stopped. Your hands moved down to push at your dress, trying to cover more of you as Wanda shifted her weight so she could still hover over you but get some distance from your face.

For a moment, as you looked up at her, both of you breathing hard from the intensitive of it all, you thought you saw a flash of anger appear in her face. It was brief. A blink and you’ll miss it kind of moment, but you swore you saw it. It was like a crack in the perfect Wanda that sat with you all night. You had stopped the kiss because you thought it was going too far for one night, but when you did you were hesitant if it was the right call. Now, even though admittedly you could be wrong, you were glad you stopped. 

If there was one thing you recognized on Wanda, it was the look she’d get when things didn’t go exactly the way she wanted them to. When you pulled back, it was such a brief moment, but you could’ve sworn you saw that familiar look. But then she was looking back down at you again with that gentleness you had seen all night, except this time things felt different. It was like all the warning bells were going off in your brain now. Something inside your mind told you that you had fallen into a trap and now you were too far into it to get yourself out.

But then another part of your brain wanted so desperately to shake that off. She had been so gentle with you, so kind and caring. It was a whole new side of Wanda and it was one that you had dreamt of for so long, especially in the early months after your break up. It wasn’t even like she was the one who started the kiss. You kissed her. Not only that, but you were the one to pull her on top of you. It wasn’t like it wasn’t enjoyable. It was everything you missed. It was fucking fantastic. Still, something told you to watch your back. 

You were trying so hard to shake that paranoia off. It was probably just a new form of trust issues you’ve developed after being rejected constantly for the last six months. Yeah, that’s what it had to be. Right? 

A moment passed and neither of you had moved after you had tried to push Wanda back. She remained hovering over you and suddenly you felt so small lying there beneath her. Finally, you pressed a hand to her chest, trying to indicate to her to move off you. She didn’t budge.

Instead, she stayed there, staring down at you. The look of anger never came back, but that gentleness wasn’t there either. It was all replaced with an emotion you couldn’t quite place as she cocked her head and flicked her eyes to where your hand pressed against her before looking back at your face. 

It seemed like she was calculating something. Like Wanda was trying her hardest to plan her next move with you and was weighing her options. It was in that very moment that you realized the gentleness, the patience, the lack of anger when you told her you had tried to start dating again, all of that was an act. She really was a wolf in sheep’s clothing and she had you pinned right now. 

A shiver ran down your spine as that realization sunk and it did not go unnoticed by Wanda. It was like a spark that lit a fire in her, when she saw you react like that. You were helpless underneath her and that was all it took for her innocent facade to melt completely away. She leaned back down, attacking your lips with her own in an instant. 

Your hands braced against her chest as she leaned back down, putting more of her weight onto you as she kissed you. Every alarm was going off in your mind as she kissed you with an intensity that had you spinning. Your mind told you to push back, to make her stop, but then it was always this shift in Wanda that got to you. She was kissing you with that same passion that had you weak at the knees. You always hated how possessive she was with you in public, but in private it always had you reacting in a way that you really should’ve felt more shame for. And she was kissing you with that same, desperate, possessive energy you wished you didn’t miss. 

The hands that were bracing Wanda’s chest were now grabbing at the fabric of her shirt as her tongue licked into your mouth. Her knee went right back to where it was, pressing in between your legs. You groaned against her mouth when she pressed it a little harder and you could practically feel how smug she was when she felt your hips roll onto her leg to gain more contact. 

Wanda pulled back on her own this time. You were breathing hard and you could tell your face was flushed from how worked up you were just from a little bit of contact and her kiss. “This is going better than I thought it would,” Wanda let out a low chuckle as she knelt above you. You gave her a skeptical look as you tried to catch your breath. “I thought you’d put up more of a fight, but I guess I didn’t need to try too hard to remind you.”

“Wh- What are you talking about? Remind me?” You stammered, your head swimming.

“That you’re still mine,” she hissed.

Suddenly, a wave of nausea hit you. None of tonight with her had been real. She hadn’t changed, you had just felt sorry for yourself and were vulnerable so you let yourself dream and pretend. Now, you were facing the consequences of your actions. You had fallen back into Wanda and backpedaled on every little bit of healing you had done after leaving her. The worst part was, as she looked down on you with such self-satisfied triumph, you weren’t sure if you could claw your way back out again.

You sat up then, trying to squirm your way out from under Wanda. She didn’t move, but she did let you. When you tried to stand from the couch, it felt like your legs were going to give out from under you. She had you so disoriented from her whole act that you could barely stand on your own two feet. 

“I think…” You kept your eyes glued to the floor as you spoke. “Wanda, I think you should leave.”

“Oh?” Wanda cocked her head to the side as she stood up too. You had taken a few steps away from the couch, but Wanda was quick to rid you both of the distance you had so desperately tried to create. “I don’t think that’s what you really want.”

“Yes, it is.” You weren’t convincing. Anyone would be able to tell you were two seconds away from buckling again and begging for forgiveness. This whole scenario felt disturbingly familiar. 

“I don’t think so,” Wanda taunted. She took another step towards you and you stood there frozen. “I think you’re dying to beg me to stay.” The once exciting charge in the air changed even more until all you felt was the painful buzzing in your ears as your body shook with an excitement you were trying so desperately not to acknowledge. It was impossible to ignore though, especially when Wanda was stepping up into your space again, brushing her whole body against you as she slipped behind you.

“No…” you whimpered your response to Wanda, but even you knew you sounded pathetic.

“Shhh,” Wanda cooed. Her hands moved to brush hair from your neck before you felt the tips of her fingers dance on the exposed skin. You still stood there, locked in place, trying to hold back a shiver as Wanda’s lips pressed to your neck from behind. Your eyes screwed shut when you felt her brush them up to your ear. Her breath against the shell of your ear made you shiver and your hands balled into fists. “Do you really want to be alone tonight?”

She was turning your vulnerability against you. Of course you didn’t want to be alone tonight. But did you really want to spend the night with your apparently still toxic ex-girlfriend? As much as you wanted to say fuck no, you did. God you wanted her. Maybe you had never really even stopped wanting her.

You didn’t have to answer for Wanda to know exactly what you were thinking. She had her hooks into you and you were hers again. Or maybe you were always hers and even when you were free from her you never really were. With how easily you fell back into her after almost a year, you were starting to think you were really overestimating how much progress you made.

Wanda’s lips brushed your ear before you felt her hands on you now. They were making their way up your body, starting at your waist and moving to your chest in a way that almost made you feel manhandled. “You’re going to have to convince me,” Wanda’s voice was sickeningly sweet in comparison to the way she groped and squeezed at your breasts through your dress. 

“Get on your fucking knees,” Wanda growled, the false sweetness leaving her voice and being replaced with a demand that had you jump. To your surprise it was like your body was compelled to do exactly as she said. You dropped to your knees and she stopped in front of you. The grin that spread across her face was menacing enough to make you gulp. She had a glint in her eye that told you any sort of soft, caring charade she had when she appeared at your door was long gone. No, that was all an act to get you to invite her in and invite her in you did. Now you were at her mercy and the thrill of that was clearly getting to the both of you.

As ashamed as you should be to have fallen back into Wanda Maximoff like you said you never would, you couldn’t help but feel anything but nervous anticipation. She licked her lips as she looked down at you. You squirmed under her gaze as you knelt there. Wanda took another step up until she was towering directly above you. Her hand shot out and immediately tangled in your hair, yanking your neck not-so-gently to look directly up at her. She smiled at you, all her teeth showing as she smirked. “Good girl.” She purred. 

Wanda’s hand moved from your hair to stroke down your cheek until she reached your lips. You stared up at her, utterly frozen, as she traced your lips with her fingers before uttering one word. “Open,” she demanded and you did exactly that without hesitation. Two fingers slid into your mouth, the whole time she never broke eye contact. Your body was trembling slightly from where you knelt in front of her and as her fingers pressed down on your tongue you instinctively began to suck. 

A sadistic chuckle left Wanda’s lips as she looked down at you. “Looks like you haven’t forgotten your place.” Her voice was low, threatening almost. Your face flushed, but it was like your brain wasn't in control of your body anymore. Suddenly, you were on some kind of autopilot, fulfilling the role Wanda always wanted you to take. The worst part was, you were okay with it. You didn’t realize you even missed it, but then again you caved so easily to her. Of course you missed it. No, actually you craved it. Your whole being ached for it. 

Wanda’s fingers pushed into your mouth a little deeper and you continued to let her. Not once did you break eye contact, even as Wanda’s twisted smile grew. Finally, after a moment, Wanda pulled her fingers from your mouth, only to grab your chin and keep your head tilted upward in a painful position. “It’s too fucking easy,” Wanda sneered.  She let go of your chin then and you took a moment to look down and give your neck a break. 

You didn’t notice then that Wanda was backing up from you for just a second. When you ran your eyes up Wanda’s legs to meet where her hands were you realized she was tugging at the buckle to her jeans. You watched with wide eyes as she undressed in front of you before stepping right back up to you. All the while, your mind was screaming at you to put a stop to this. All you had to do was kick her out, right? So why did you just stay on your knees and stare? 

“Wanda, maybe we should-” You were cut off by the hand that shot out and tangled in your hair again, giving it a hard tug.

“Shhh, baby,” Wanda cooed. “Let me use your mouth for something else.”

You flushed and those alarm bells in your mind sounded louder, but still you reluctantly nodded. There was something deeper inside you that said you needed this. You needed to please Wanda. It felt so horribly wrong to give into this feeling that you thought you had buried deeper inside yourself. But then Wanda was tugging you closer until suddenly you were between her legs, being practically smothered by her already wet pussy and all of those alarm bells silenced all at once. That feeling you thought you had buried got stronger with the way Wanda was rolling her hips against your face and your hands went out to brace yourself on her thighs. As she began to ride your face the moans she was letting out were just spurring that feeling on until nothing felt wrong anymore and everything about tonight felt just so fucking right. 

You were surrounded by Wanda. Her hands held your head still as she fucked herself on your mouth and all you could do was take in every moment of Wanda as she used you. And it was fucking glorious. You didn’t think you could miss something so much and be totally unaware of it. Or, it wasn’t that you were unaware… It was that you got so good at ignoring it that when you finally acknowledged your need to indulge in your Wanda problem it woke back up with a roar. 

Wanda’s hands were tugging hard at your hair as she kept riding your face. She was moaning your name as she moved and you did your best to encourage more of the sounds she was making above you. Your tongue lapped hungrily at her clit as best as you could with each time she would grind down onto you. You didn’t even care that you were being slightly suffocated by her. Wanda was overloading all your senses right now and all you could do was greedily accept it. It was like a fucked up rush of twisted joy was coursing through your veins as she practically fucked your face. She was using you like an object, no ounce of gentleness left in her as she got herself off, and meanwhile you were just happy to be useful. 

The part of your brain that should feel shame for all of this was finally, utterly switched off as Wanda repeated how good you were being for her and how much she missed your mouth when she came all over your lips. Her hips stopped after a moment and she released your hair. You took in large gulps of air you didn’t realize you needed until you felt the burning in your lungs. Wanda also seemed a little frazzled, like the intensity of her own orgasm had taken even her by surprise. But after a moment of catching her own breath, she slipped back into the collected, controlled Wanda you knew. 

“Get up,” Wanda ordered and you did what she said. Your legs felt a bit weak as you struggled to stand, but Wanda was on you in a second, steadying you by the elbow so that you didn’t topple over on yourself. It was the smallest action that didn’t even really mean kindness, but you were so far gone into Wanda again that even that made your heart swell. 

“Take your clothes off and meet me in your bedroom.” Wanda’s hands were back on you, already tugging at your dress and pulling it off for herself without waiting for you to fulfill her request. You did the rest before looking back up at Wanda. She looked at you with an excitement that had you curious. Seeing the curiosity in your eyes she answered before you could even ask. “I have a surprise for you.”

Your eyes scanned the room you two were in. How did she have a surprise when she came here empty handed? 

Wanda’s grin grew wider until you started to feel the drunkenness that came with being with her start to get replaced with something else. “It’s waiting for you in your bedroom,” She winked.

“Waiting in my…” You were trying to connect some dots. 

“Bedroom,” Wanda finished. “Now, come on.” You felt like your whole body had stalled as you tried to think through things. How was there a surprise there left by Wanda? She hadn’t left your sight since she showed up at your door. 

Wanda tugged on your hand and you realized she was pulling you in the exact direction toward your bedroom. Your apartment had multiple rooms: one your office, one your bathroom, and one your bedroom. So how could she possibly know to go to the right one? Your stomach dropped as she tugged you closer. 

You started to drag your feet and Wanda paused for a second, looking back at you with thinly veiled frustration.

“How do you know where my bedroom is?”

“Lucky guess,” She shrugged and you could hear the irritation in her voice.

“Wanda, what’s waiting for me in there?” Your blood ran cold as you asked that question, realizing you were suddenly terrified of the answer. 

“A surprise.” Wanda’s voice was devoid of excitement as she said it this time. You realized she was getting angry and this was your warning to stop pressing. But there were two things wrong with this moment right now: What was behind your bedroom door and how had Wanda been in there without you noticing?

“Wanda, have you…” You didn’t want to ask it, but you had to. “Have you been here before?”

Wanda snorted at that and gave a hard tug on your hand, pulling you with surprising force right up into her personal space. Her hands then moved to grab hard at your hips so that she could press her own bare body into yours without you being able to escape. “Stop acting stupid,” Wanda leaned forward to whisper into your ear, her voice eerily sweet. “I’ve been here the whole time.”

“W-What?” It felt like the air was knocked out of you. Wanda’s nails dug into your sides as she held you there. 

“Did you think I would just let you leave?” Wanda chuckled. “I’ve been here, waiting the whole time. I know you could feel me… Especially at night.” Wanda’s nails dragged up your bare skin. “When you were alone. I know it was me you were thinking of.”

A flush grew on your cheeks and you wondered, with horror, how much of what Wanda was saying was a guess and how much of it was her watching you when you never even knew. 

“Why now then? Why reveal this to me now?” That’s what was really bothering you. Somehow, the rest of this wasn’t surprising. It was on brand with how she was before you left her. Controlling and secretive. She hadn’t changed a bit. Right now, you were shocked and furious, but still you couldn’t silence the fucked up voice deep inside you that said you wer relieved she was back. Wanda was a piece of you that you desperately wished you didn’t need, but as much as you tried to tell yourself you didn’t belong to her, tonight proved that you might always feel that way. 

“Because,” Wanda seemed to be blatantly annoyed with you now. “That girl was getting too close this time.”

Kate. You had honestly forgotten all about Kate. Letting Wanda touch and use you had wiped any thoughts of any other woman out of your mind. In fact, until this moment,  you forgot that you should feel angry and embarrassed for being rejected and stood up. You had just been so lost in Wanda’s return that everything else melted away. But now… Now you weren’t feeling anger towards Kate. No, with the way Wanda spat out the word “girl” as she spoke, you realized she was probably well aware of who Kate was. You were concerned. 

“What?” You ripped yourself from Wanda’s grasp and took a few steps back. “Wanda, what did you do?”

“Only what I had to.” She followed each of your steps with a long stride of her own. “She wanted what’s not hers. I couldn’t have that, now could I?” The way she was looking at you as she cocked her head to the side sent a chill down your spine. Maybe this wasn’t actually the Wanda you knew. Maybe she had changed. When you were together you had seen a lot of sides of her, but not this one. This one made your palms sweat and your stomach turn. You’d never seen Wanda hurt another person, but just because you didn’t see it didn’t mean she wasn’t capable of it. What did she do to Kate?

“Oh, don’t look at me like that,” Wanda scoffed. “She’s not dead.”

Thank fucking god, you thought. Maybe Wanda was just exaggerating. Hopefully, Kate was just fine. Although, your gut was telling you everything wasn’t quite that simple.

“You’ll see,” Wanda reached out her hand and cupped your chin. Your eyes met hers and you saw the sadistic twinkle in her eye as she grinned down at you. “It’s part of your surprise.” 

You gulped at that, not liking the sound of it one bit. At this point in the night you made a lot of choices with Wanda already that you promised you wouldn’t do and the way she was acting now was making you sick to your stomach. She needed to leave, tonight needed to be over. Tomorrow you’d go to work and hopefully see Kate there in one piece. And if she was then you’d apologize profusely for whatever Wanda did to scare her off from your date. 

“Wanda, you need to leave.” As much as you tried to sound commanding, your voice was weak and shaky. Wanda’s smirk just grew and you realized now she was looking at you like you were her prey and she was about to pounce.

“Now, now,” She tsked as her thumb went up to press against your lips. “It’s really hard to take you seriously when you still have my cum glistening on your lips, pet.” 

You tore your head away from her and wiped at your mouth, as if that would make any difference in erasing what had just transpired between you two. You let her claim you, you let her mark you. You almost let her take you to your bedroom and fuck you senseless until the pain and humiliation of tonight were washed away. Of course, now that humiliation was back tenfold and mixed with it was a gut wrenching fear for Wanda you had never felt before. 

“If I had let that girl show up for your… date,” Wanda practically spit the word out. “Then, you wouldn’t have gotten a taste of mommy’s cum now would you?”

You were speechless. The way she was talking, the way she was acting. Was this how Wanda was all along? It made you scared, so scared that you quaked where you stood. But also… the way she had been handling you all night, claiming you, mixed with the glint in her eyes as she realized she had you right where she wanted you and the demanding tone she was taking… As sickening as it was, it excited you. 

Like a light switch the frustration left Wanda’s face and was again replaced with the excitement she had before. Wanda’s hands were back on you, turning you around and leading you back towards the dreaded surprise that awaited you in your bedroom. Despite what it all meant, you let her guide you without any more protest. “Close your eyes,” Wanda whispered in your ear. “And don’t open them until I tell you to.”

For whatever reason, you did exactly what she said. It was like you were wired to obey her. Like someone else stepped inside your body and now you were doing all the opposite things you should do. Except, you couldn’t blame anyone else but yourself. You knew, this was all you. This was why you ran, because you were Wanda’s little play toy and you wanted to be more than that. At least, you thought you wanted to be more than that. 

The creak of the door swinging open brought you out of your thoughts and you knew your way around your apartment well enough to know Wanda was leading you to your bed. With both her hands on your shoulders, she pushed you down until you were forced to sit on the edge of your bed. Still, you kept your eyes closed. No matter how anxious you were, you were going to be good for her. You needed to be good for her. 

You could hear Wanda take a few steps back from you, but you still had no idea what this surprise was. Something told you, in your gut, that it wasn’t going to be a good one. Yet, still you were so ready to accept whatever Wanda had to give you that, with a wave of shame, you didn’t think you cared whatever it might be. 

“Open them,” Wanda ordered. You opened your eyes slowly, just as you were told. First, you just stared at Wanda. She was beaming as she stood in front of you. Then, you turned your eyes to the side and practically leapt out of your own skin. “Do you like it?”

All you could do was sit and stare. There she was, Kate Bishop, bound and gagged. She was helplessly facing where you sat, restrained on your own office chair. You should’ve felt embarrassed or ashamed that she was seeing you in such a state of undress, but you were still in way too much shock to process much of anything. 

Wanda, in the meantime, was circling the bed. You didn’t really pay much attention to her at this point, still just fixated on the way Kate pulled at her bindings, trying to lean towards you. Kate’s eyes, at first, weren’t even looking at you. They were glaring at Wanda, as if she was trying to break free and protect you. But you knew. You weren’t the one in need of protection. Even in Wanda’s grasp, you knew that in her twisted possessive mind, it wasn’t you she felt threatened by. It was Kate. The woman who, as Wanda saw it, tried to take what was hers. 

You felt a dip in the mattress as Wanda crawled to you from the other side of the bed. Once she reached you, she stopped, kneeling directly behind you. Wanda’s hands came to circle around your waist and you let her. Your mind hadn’t told you to do anything to stop her, to take any kind of action at all. The logical part of your mind told you to untie Kate, but then a larger part of you, the part that told you that you were way too far gone, demanded you don’t displease Wanda anymore. 

Hands moved all over your body, running up and down your sides, groping your breasts, nails leaving marks in their wake. It was causing Kate to practically growl through the cloth muffling her mouth. 

“Oh, look at her,” Wanda pretended to pout as she cupped your chin and turned your head to meet Kate’s desperate eyes. “The poor girl is in love with you. She thought tonight would be the start of some big love story. She was stupid enough to brag about it with anyone who would listen. Too bad she doesn’t know you’re really just a pathetic little thing already ruined by me. Isn’t that right?”

Wanda’s hold on your chin grew tighter and you held back a wince. You knew she was waiting for an answer, but as Kate’s panicked gaze searched your face you felt too ashamed to utter a single word.

“I almost feel bad for her,” Wanda continued when you didn’t speak. “I mean, I can relate. Much like her, I wanted you the moment I saw you too. But she and I have one big difference…” Wanda dropped your chin again and her hands made their way down your body. You let out a gasp when you felt a hand move straight down between your legs and cup your pussy. 

“I already fucking took what I wanted,” Wanda snarled as you felt two fingers enter you. Your hand flew to Wanda’s wrist at the surprise intrusion, but you couldn’t help that your previous gasp had turned into a pathetic moan. “And I’m never letting you have her.” She punctuated each word with a pump of her fingers and you bit down hard on your lip to stop the sounds that were threatening to fall from you. Kate was thrashing in the chair in front of you and your eyes dropped to the floor. Your fingers flexed around Wanda’s wrist, but you still didn’t pull her away. At this point the only thing on your mind was to make her happy, regardless of the horrifying circumstances. Wanda has scared you tonight, she has made you take a giant backstep to which you won’t ever return from and she’s gone to lengths you’d never expect. Except, you were just too far gone now. 

Feeling Wanda inside you again was earth shattering. You’d spent so many nights alone and in those frustrating nights you had told yourself you just wanted somebody, anybody to hold you. That was a fucking lie. You wanted- No, needed Wanda. You were hers and no amount of time or distance changed a damn thing about that. It took one night, less than three hours even for you to fall back into place with her and realize just how deeply you needed to be hers. Wanda’s goal this whole time was to remind you and teach you and Kate a lesson and unfortunately for the both of you, the lesson was learned. You didn’t think you’d ever have the strength, courage, or even sense to leave Wanda ever again after this. 

With Wanda’s fingers pumping inside you and her bare body pressed to your back, your head was swimming. Never mind the poor girl who was forced to watch helplessly. Your eyes squeezed shut at the magnitude of shame you had for enjoying this as much as you were while Kate looked at you with what was possibly the most heartbreaking expression you’d ever seen. 

Before Wanda could make you cum she withdrew her fingers. You couldn’t help the whimper that left your lips at that, but quickly bit your lip again to keep from making too much noise. With the circumstances, it felt wrong to be enjoying all of this as much as you did. but this was Wanda. The one person who knew your body better than anyone else. Even after almost a year apart, she hadn’t forgotten the way you liked it when she curled her fingers inside you or the way you’d get so wet from her treating you in such a rough manner. 

At one point, when you were with her, you wondered what you had become. Never did you think you’d be someone who let another person utterly own your entire being, body and all. When you left you thought you could free yourself of that. But if you learned anything tonight, it was that you still belonged to Wanda. With the measures she had gone to and the way you kept letting her do whatever she wanted to you, that fact was pretty clear. 

You twisted your head around to see what Wanda was doing, only to watch her reach under your own pillow. What she revealed was very familiar to you; a dark red strap on that Wanda used to love to use on you. She kept it. Your eyes widened as you realized she wasn’t going to let you off the hook any time soon tonight. Or Kate for that matter. 

Your head turned back to Kate who had stopped struggling to stare in shock at Wanda too. For a moment you thought to get up and actually help Kate, if only so she didn’t have to watch what was to come next. Only, it seemed like Wanda knew exactly what you were considering, because she was on you before you could move a muscle. 

With a surprised yelp, Wanda had your body turned and your back hitting the bed in mere seconds. She swung her leg over your body at that and you just stared up at her as her predatory smile slowly turned to Kate. “Look at you,” Wanda was directly talking to Kate now. “This is killing you isn’t it?” Wanda’s hands were slipping under your knees now, bending them so that they could hook around your waist. The toy was lined up and your chest was heaving in anticipation. Anxiety was coursing through your veins, but so was this hard to ignore, appalling feeling of anticipation and excitement for what was to come. For what you missed so desperately. 

You held your breath as Wanda entered you with the toy that you never quite got used to back when you two were together. Now, since you were out of practice, the familiar burn of it stretching your pussy out reminded you of the very first time she used it on you. You squeezed your eyes shut again and couldn’t stop the pitiful groan that left your lips. 

Wanda chuckled from above you before she finally bottomed out inside you. “Was this how you planned to fuck her?” Wanda was still talking to Kate as she began to rock her hips. “Or were you going to be gentle? See the thing with her is… She likes to be ruined.” Your fingers tangled in the sheets as you tried your best to get used to how big her cock was inside you. Your desire for Wanda was completely in control at this point, letting Wanda start a steady pace with no intentions of stopping her. The way you could hear Kate struggling made you feel sick, but the way you never wanted Wanda to stop, despite her presence, made that feeling worse. 

Wanda’s pace kept increasing. Her body bent over you until she was pressed against you. The way she pumped into you was making the whole bed rock and the burn of her practically abusing your pussy had finally turned into extreme pleasure in a way that had your body arching into hers. You had totally given into this feeling now, all thoughts of Kate gone and replaced with how much you wanted Wanda to just keep claiming you in the way that she was. 

“Tell me,” Wanda growled into your ear this time as her hips slowed for a moment. “Do you really think she could fuck you like this?” 

“N-no,” you were trying to catch your breath as you spoke. 

Wanda snapped her hips hard and you immediately cried out again. “What was that? I don’t think she heard you.” 

“No!” You cried. “Fuck! No, only you can. Only you. Only-”

“Shhh, that’s my girl.” Wanda’s hand stroked down your cheek as she picked up the pace yet again. Her hand moved down your jaw until it stopped right on your throat. Her fingers wrapped around your neck and she squeezed. It wasn’t hard enough to hurt you, but still enough to make you struggle to take the much needed deep breathes as she fucked you as hard as she did. 

All sounds of Kate’s struggles were lost on your ears. Your body was trembling and you were two seconds from falling apart all over Wanda’s cock. Wanda was loving every second of it. She was moaning in your ear as she kept fucking you harder, just the sight of you turned her on beyond belief. The way her hand flexed and squeezed slightly more on your neck mixed with the way she was pumping herself into you with such a force had strangled moans coming from you with abandon. It took more strong snaps of her hips before you were falling apart on top of her with a miserable cry.

Wanda’s hips slowed when you came down from your orgasm and her hand left your neck. You took loud, gasping breaths for air. Your body was spent and splayed out on the mattress. Wanda was looking down at you with such a satisfied grin on her face and for a moment all you could think of was wanting Wanda to make you cum again. Except then you remembered.

Your head slowly turned to see Kate still there, bound with tears running down her face. What now? That was the only thing running through your mind. 

Wanda’s hand came back to your chin, turning your head so you were facing her again. The shame that was coursing through your veins again felt louder, more painful. Except she was stroking your cheek, looking down at you with more pride in her eyes than you’d ever seen before. 

“Shhh,” she soothed. “Don’t worry. I’ll take care of everything. Then you and I are going to go somewhere far away.”

You couldn’t help the shiver of fear that ran through your body as Wanda kept stroking your cheek in a gentle way that you hadn’t seen since she first arrived. Something told you that you didn’t really have a choice, but to go. 

A thousand scenarios ran through your mind about what Wanda was going to do with Kate. You felt pity for her and embarrassment at what she had witnessed. 

“I’ll go.” You heard yourself before you could even think about what you were saying. “But let Kate go.”

Wanda frowned for a moment, her hand pausing on your cheek. She looked over at Kate and then back down at you, the frown quickly leaving and being replaced with a conniving. “If I promise to let her go, you must promise to never try to leave again.”

You nodded furiously, taking this one chance to get Wanda to do your bidding. Kate would be free, even if it meant that you sealed your fate. Only, little did Wanda know, after tonight you didn’t think you’d ever have the strength to leave her again. She was the one thing you wanted that you wished you didn’t. She was in your veins, she was your entire being. You were hers completely and nothing, no amount of time or space, would ever set you free. 

You surrendered to Wanda the moment you saw her again. Even if you tried to leave once, you knew Wanda was going to spend a lot of time reminding you that you would never be able to leave again. 

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[in1-nutshell]

Ironhold meeting MTMTE Megatron (Longer version)

SFW, Platonic, Familial, Romance, Cybertronain reader

G1/MTMTE

Since they could remember, Ironhold was told that they had exceptional luck.

Ironhold didn’t believe in luck.

They thought that ‘luck’ was a type of way to shift the blame on their own actions. They hated when bots would try and shift their blame onto ‘unexplained’ things. Things happened for a reason and those reasons were based off the bot. If something bad happened, it wasn’t ‘bad luck’, it was the bots fault in the end.

But right now, Ironhold was willing to make an exception to that rule.

For the past month they had been trying to get their schedule aligned with their soon to be (hopefully) Conjunx’s schedule. It had been cycles since they had properly had time together and they really wanted to be with him right now.

They wanted to talk about their day with him, hear his tall tales and horribly cheesy jokes, they just wanted to hold him tight in their arms without fearing the alarm clock would sound off in the few nanoclicks they had in between.

“Yeesh. What crawled up your tailpipe and died?”

Ironhold looked unamused as they passed by Thundercracker with their datapads. They didn’t have the energy to deal with him today. Heck, they didn’t have much energy to deal with most bots today. Grimlock could come ramming through the wall and they wouldn’t even bat an optic.

They just wanted to turn in today’s datapads and move on with the day.

“Ironhold. Recharging well?”

The red visor of the third in command flickered a bit ending the sentence.

“Not too well Soundwave, but I’ll live.”

“You’re not recharging well? How come?”

“I’m fine Thundercracker. The business of me recharging is not anyone’s concern.”

Soundwave crosses his arms at that statement.

“But can’t you like, asks Megatron to take a load off?”

Ironhold vents deeply.

“It’s not about sleep.”

“Correction. About Rumble.”

Ironhold was once again glad that they could not ‘blush’ like humans could. If they did, they might as well look like one of those ‘tomatoes’.  Clearing their intake they spoke.

“What is between Rumble and I—”

“None of your concern. Yeah, not so much Hold. Wait! I bet you two haven’t had any alone time and that’s why you’re angry!”

Maybe Ironhold had underestimated Thundercracker after all, and if he could figure it out Skywarp would find out by the end of the month. Or two. Okay maybe four if they were being honest.

“And if this were true… what would you suggest I do?”

“Are you asking for help?”

“…Yes.”

The Seekers optics widened a bit. He hadn’t expected that they’d actually ask for HIS help. Hopefully he wouldn’t screw it up.

“I mean, if trying to plan around schedules hasn’t worked, then maybe ask for favors or ask Megatron to give you two some time. Maybe say its for, what was the human term ‘sick day’? Do we have those?”

Ironhold ignored that last comment, mainly because they didn’t know either, but did consider asking Megatron if one more revision didn’t work out. Or perhaps the favors, they did have many bots owing them favors… it could work.

“Maybe you’re right Thundercracker. I’ll give it a try.”

They nod at him and begin to go to the door before stopping and turning to Soundwave.

“Do you know where Frenzy and Starscream are?”

…

“I can’t believe we finally have some time together! How long has it been? A millennia?”

“It’s been one month, 10 days, 5 hours, and 30 minutes but who’s counting?”

Turns out asking Frenzy was a lot easier than expected. Maybe it had something to do with Rumble’s constant ‘moaning and whining’ about not having any time with Ironhold. He practically dumped Rumble at their pedes when they asked him to take the shift.

Starscream was a bit trickier to get a hold of.

But no one ever denied some wax on the wings with a sane mind.

So now it was just Ironhold and Rumble walking down the halls of the Nemesis. Ironhold had these plans to go out for a while and they were going to make the best out of it. The nearby drive-in movie theater had the slasher film that Rumble had mentioned maybe seeing and today was the last day they were showing it. If they got there on time, they could also find a nice shady spot to watch from.

“Hello? Earth to Ironhold? Hello? Anybot home?”

Ironhold snapped out of their train of thought and looked down at a slightly amussed Rumble. He was holding their servo. Even after a while of dating, Ironhold still marveled at the size difference between their servo and rumbles. His was practically engulfed in theirs. They squeezed a bit.

“So, what movie do you want to see this time?”

Ironhold made a face pretending to think.

“Hmm… don’t know…”

Rumble gives them a look.

“Aw, c’mon Hold, you always have a movie on your processor. I’m sure you can think of one that doesn’t stink. Unless…”

The minicon slides in front of them giving them a teasing smirk.

“You DO have a movie in mind.”

Ironhold playfully scoffs and continues to walk.

“Excuse you—”

“Yes?”

Ironhold lets out a chuckle before patting his helm.

He swats it playfully before taking the lead again.

“Ironhold we’ve talk about doing that!”

Ironhold gives him a loving smirk.

“Well, My Spark, you were asking for it.”

Rumble stammered a bit before angrily stopping in front of them. It wasn’t actual anger, just a little fit that would fix in a few minutes on its own.

But as it turned out, it would take less time to completely ruin their plans. Especially when a colorful portal came and started dragging everything in that wasn’t nailed to the ground. Like a minicon.

“Hold!”

That was all Rumble needed to say before jumping in after him. Holding onto the ledge of the portal didn’t seem possible, yet they were doing it. One servo holding onto Rumble’s servo while the other was gripping the ledge.

“What is going on over there?!”

Never had Starscream’s shriek given them this much joy. Joy that was short lived when they felt the smaller servo slip out of theirs.

Ironhold didn’t think.

They just let go.

The pink and green swirl soon turned into darkness once their entire frame hit something cold and wet.

…

When Rumble woke up, he half expected to see Ironhold’s disappointed face hearing the clocks alarm. Except he was in their arms… or in their semi shared berth… or in their room… The minicon jumped up, pillars up and ready to plow down the next bot who touched him. And boy were there a lot of Autobots around. There was something strange about them too. The looked… off. He couldn’t exactly say what was wrong, but there was defiantly something new from the bots he was used to. But a familiar looking felicon approached him.

“Ravage? Is that you? Where is Soundwave and the others?”

The felicon raised his optics a bit.

“You’re not Rumble.”

“And you’re not Ravage! You can talk!”

“Of course I can talk! And Rumble is with Soundwave right now.”

“If I may.”

The tall turquoise bot stepped closer to the minicon. His servos tightly around a yellow briefcase.

“This Rumble is not from our universe.”

This was certainly something.

Rumble pointed at the bright yellow suitcase.

“And what’s with the suitcase? You gotta bomb in there?”

A larger figure came through the crowd. This had to be one of the biggest mech on the ship, Rumble was sure of it. There was no mistaking the grey paint job and aura of authority.

“Not a bomb, it does however travel through time.”

Rumble was definitely going to ask about that later, but right now he was taking in the sheer size of this Megatron. Primus did this universe make everyone taller and bigger?!

“Megatron!”

He nods at him and then at the bot.

“I am Brainstorm, the smartest—”

The red bot next to him, that strangely looked like Perceptor (maybe he was?), nudged him on the side. Brainstorm grunted a bit at the hit before clarifying.

“One of the smartest scientists on the Lost Light. I may be the reason why you and your companion are in our universe. You see, I created a machine of sorts in my recharge, still wonder how I did that, and as it turns out it opens to different universes. Now this would be better on a mass scale and—”

The red bot interrupted.

“Brainstorm, the topic.”

“Oh yes, thank you Perceptor. To keep things short, anyone who came through that portal is now in our dimension somewhere on the ship.”

Rumble’s optics widen under his visor. What did this bot mean by ‘universe’? As far as he knew there was only one… or maybe there were more out there. He really needed to stop hanging around Skywarp, as the humans said, his braincells were dying faster with him around. But the last sentence finally registered in his mind.

“Wait you said someone else came through? But who would…”

The realization sends his pillars back and replaced with his servos, now making home on his helm. This made many of the bots around him look surprised if not borderline shocked. The Rumble of this universe would never act out like this. Who or what was this minicon so worried about.

“Oh of course that dumb, selfless, stinkin’, loveable scrap for brains would jump in after me! Primus that dumb bot is going to be the death of me!”

Did… did Rumble have a Conjunx? Maybe Amica? Nah, that was not how Rumble was…

Right?

“Loveable?”

Rumble looked up at Megatron.

“Ironhold jumped in after me!”

“Who is Ironhold?”

The minicon stopped in his tracks and stared in disbelief at the war lord.

“What do you mean—Ironhold! Hold! My Hold! Ringing any bells up there?”

Another red bot steps forward.

“I don’t think anyone’s heard that name before. Maybe they are exclusive to your universe only?”

Megatron and Perceptor give him a surprised look.

The red bot looked slightly offended.

“Hey, I’ve watched these kind of things during movie night. I know some things.”

Megatron clears his intake.

“Thank you for your insight Rodimus, and he is right Rumble. No one we know goes by that designation.”

Rumble sees the flash of red on his chassis.

An Autobot insignia.

…

“Megatron… what is that Autobot badge doing on yer’ chassis…?”

Megatron instinctively touches the insignia and looks slightly ashamed.

The red bot, Rodimus, answered his question.

“The war’s over. Megatron here surrendered.”

“…”

“Rumble—”

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN SURRENDERED?!”

Megatron and most bots winced at the sudden yelling.

The Ex-war lord looked at him.

“It means I surrendered. I am not going into more details.”

Rumble almost sneered at the autoboot badge on his chassis.

“No wonder you lost the war. Ironhold wouldn’t have given up so easily.”

Megatron just vented tiredly. Rodimus, having a bit of pity for his fellow Co-Captain. He smiles a bit at Rumble.

“Listen, we’ll find Ironhold. Might be a bit difficult looking for a minicon—”

“They aren’t a minicon.”

Rodimus looks at him.

“They aren’t?”

“No. Why did you think they were?”

“I just assumed they were another cassette on the team.”

Rumble huffed.

“They aren’t a mini and you aren’t going to find them either.”

Rodimus huffed a bit at the comment.

“And pray tell why?”

Rumble gives him a smirk.

“They don’t do that whole ‘getting found’ thing. They find you. The only reason you’re gonna find them is if they want you to find them. And believe me pal, it takes a lot to get them to—”

The doors swing open revealing a red minibot with a blue visor.

“Something just came out of the oil reserves like the Creature of the Black Lagoon and is shooting everything!”

“That’s Ironhold for ya.”

The chattering stopped at the sudden thud sounds coming from above.

A large pede kicked the opening lid and a rather large bot dripping with oil and two large blasters aimed at the group. Their optics shift and scanning each bot until they spot Rumble. The bots could see the brief flash of relief in their optics.

“Rumble?”

“Ironhold!”

The larger bot clicked their blasters at the group.

“I swear to the Allspark, if you don’t hand him over, there will be no medic alive who would put you back together—Megatron? Ravage?”

They lowered their blasters a bit.

“What is going—”

The red Autobot badge catches their optic.

“…on? Primus, did I hit my helm. What is this?!”

Rumble just races up to them and jumps. Ironhold expertly catches him with one arm while the others still had the blaster in servo. Rumble hugged them best he could, he swore he felt a shudder coming from their frame. The minicon took both his servos and grabbed their faces making them look at him.

“Listen Hold, just put down the blasters and they’ll explain things.”

Ironhold gripped the blasters a bit tighter.

“Hold…”

The larger bot slowly put down their weapons but still held Rumble in one arm. They glared at the ex-war lord.

“Explain. Now.”

…

This was definitely a new for them both.

Ironhold had never really considered there being another universe or universes out there. But this ship, this crew proved them wrong. To hear that this universes war was over was… strange. There had always been a war, without fighting what were they going to do? They looked down at Rumble, who was rambling to ravage about something and something clicked.

The reason why they fought.

A better future for them and all Cybertronains to live equally.

For them to have a life with Rumble.

To live in peace.

“Its going to take some time, but we should have a way to get you two back home.”

“Thank you Brainstorm.”

Rodimus walked up to them and Rumble.

“As long as you two are here, you are honorary members of the Lost Light! I don’t know if you caught the name, but I’m Rodimus Prime. Co-Captain of the Lost Light.”

Ironhold and Rumble’s optics went wide.

“What happened to Optimus?”

“Co-Captain isn’t a rank.”

Rodimus waved his servo off handedly.

“Long story short, Optimus was dead, I became a Prime, Megs here shot me in the chassis, Optimus came back and I’m still here.”

Ironhold looked like they were going to slap someone.

“And Megatron is our other Co-Captain.”

“Whose bright idea was this? Skywarp? Nah couldn’t be him. That’s like saying Starscream is the Ruler of Cybertron.”

Ironhold chuckled a bit at Rumble’s joke.

“How do you know that?”

Both Cons looked at Megatron in disbelief.

“…Say sike right now…”

“Rumble—”

“Say sike right now!”

“Starscream?! Why? Who? What…?”

The red and white sword mech behind Rodimus chuckled.

“That’s another long story.”

Rumble pouted a bit.

“Is there anywhere on this ship were we can get some rations? Bots starving here.”

The red and white minibot, Swerve cracked a wide smile.

“We got something better, we gotta bar!”

“A bar?!”

…

Even after a couple of days on the ship, Rumble couldn’t remember having so much energon and not having to be told to save it for later. He is seriously considering moving to this new universe with Soundwave and Ironhold. The pair still hadn’t even met half of the ship, but that was probably for the vest. Speaking of which, Ironhold was taking in the engex slowly, like they did back home. Always savoring it and keeping it in as long as possible to make it last.

The tall purple bot, which Rumble was sure was a con at first glance, placed a servo on their shoulder.

“We are no longer at war. There is enough for everyone here.”

“… old habits die hard…”

“I understand.”

Ironhold smiled a bit.

“And you are?”

“I am Cyclonus—”

“And I’m Tailgate!”

The three of them nearly had whiplash when the white and blue minibot popped out of nowhere and began spitting out questions almost as fast as Swerve had been doing when they first stepped foot in the bar. Rumble still doesn’t know how Ironhold didn’t sock him in the mouth.

“—and then I woke up here in the med bay with Whirl, he’s that bot over there,let me introduce you to him! Whirl! Hey Whirl!”

A turquoise empurata bot walked up to the bar were the group was.

“What is it Panic Button?”

Tailgate didn’t seem to be bothered by the nickname.

“Have you met the honorary members yet?”

“You mean the ones that will be out of our helm in a few hours from now? I heard Brianstorm saying something about the finishing touches on the portal gun.”

Ironhold smiled and turned to the bot.

“Really? Is it true?”

Whirl snapped his claws.

“Are you and Rumble Junxies?”

He knew the tone was a teasing one, he knew that it was a code for yes…

But that didn’t stop the warm feeling in his chassis from blooming.

“Whirl, Rumble and I aren’t Conjunx Endura.”

Whirl looked at the taller bot with a squint in his optic.

“Amica?”

“No.”

“… Will you be though or…”

Ironhold sighs a bit.

“We haven’t done that yet.”

“Unless you want to.”

The words spilled out so quickly Rumble had to take a few seconds to realize what he said.

He said he wanted to be bonded to Ironhold.

In public.

Millions of what ifs and scenarios, both good and bad bloomed. If he couldn’t even keep his helm straight, why would he even attempt to bond with them?

“Cause if you’re free… I can show you how we do things in this universe~”

Whirl’s claw found its way near Ironhold’s servo.

Sod it.

“GET YOUR FILTHY CLAWS OFF THEM! THEY ARE MY FUTURE CONJUNX AND—”

“Really?”

Ironhold held a look of… hope and love.

Yes, this was definitely the right decision.

“Ye-yeah, if you’d have me?”

What came out next was something that Rumble would never think would happen to him in real life.

One, Ironhold picking him up and spinning around in a bar.

Two, squealing ‘YES!’ over and over again.

And Three, Megatron in the background once again frozen in place while the phrase ‘You are the father!’ played in the background.

Suddenly a familiar looking portal appeared on the bar’s floor.

Brainstorm running in.

“Fixed it!”

Ironhold pulled him closer giving him a smile.

“Time for us to head home?”

He smiled back.

“Yeah! Let’s blow this pop stand! Later losers!”

Together they waved goodbye to their new friends and jumped into the portal.

…

“What do you mean they fell through the floor?!”

“It means, THEY FELL THROUGH THE FLOOR!”

Soundwave sighed for the 300th time this hour.

The search for Rumble and Ironhold had yet again reached a dead end, and at this point Soundwave was considering talking to the Autobot’s to help widen the search.

“Starscream nothing that you just said made sense!”

“But it’s true Megatron!”

The Second in Command stomped the floor.

“Right here! Right here is where they just vanished—”

POP!

Rumble and Ironhold fell through the portal and landed on a screaming Starscream.

Megatron and Soundwave helped the two up.

Rumble suddenly stood up and jumped up.

“THEY SAID YES!”

“Rumble: Location. Explanation.”

“Later Boss! I gotta a Conjunx ceremony to plan with Hold!”

Megatron froze in place, something many Megatron’s seemed to have.

“Wha—”

“You’re right! We need to make sure the location is set.”

“And don’t forget the placements!”

The pair eagerly walked back to their habsuite leaving the three mech’s dumbfounded.

“What.”

“The…”

“BEEEEEPPPPPPP!”

“Soundwave! My audials!”

“Quiet Starscream!”

[nonasemporium]

character meme 2 electric boogaloo: awake remembrance of these valiant dead!!!

send me a character [Commander Awake Remembrance of These Valiant Dead Kia Hua Ko Te Pai Snap Back to Reality Oops There Goes Gravity] and i’ll list:

favorite thing about them: I love her rage, I love her justice, I love her determination, I love that she forces John to say her full name, that she rejects everyone's attempts to twist her. I love her passion, her meanass laugh, her fucking commitment. If something's gonna get done, she's gonna do it.

least favorite thing about them: I get why she was doing what she was doing, but smashing a baby into the wall is very battle of Troy of her lmao. Same with teaching Pash to be a child soldier. I get it though, she's living in a horror where the alternative is worse.

favorite line: When she demands John say her name, when she says G1deon deserves that at least, the line about her nose, the line about her meanass laugh, the fact she called Gideon "Bomb", crying about all of it.

brOTP: Love her proud auntie vibes at Pash, but actual brOTP is probably with We Suffer, lmao. Idk it just seems like the kind of history that fits both of them.

OTP: G1deon/Wake/Pyrrha <33333 Literally OT3 of TLT for me, I love it so much. Pyrrha being bold enough to kiss her but apologizing, Wake not letting that go, not taking the bait to just kill her, nah, she's going to let her live with that, they're going to be something so explosive.... Then her realizing the ways G1deon and Pyrrha are separate, loving them both, perhaps even learning to love G1deon through conversations with Pyrrha over him as well, the way it must ache for Pyrrha so so deeply, punishment and relief. The way Wake talked about them till the end. The trust but also the knowledge that it only goes so far. The way she knew what G1deon was and she knew what Pyrrha was and ugh.

nOTP: Keep John the fuck away from her unless she's killing him, thanks. Love she got the last laugh, may she get more.

random headcanon: That she has a toothgap, that she has freckles, that she has two laughs--one where her teeth are bared like a threat and one where instead her cheeks fold up her eyes cutely. I also think that despite everything, she did have a fondness for Gideon in her own way, for "Bomb." There's something in naming a thing, there's something in the fact Gideon was initially a sacrifice for her but also meant to be a sacrifice for everyone. That she carried her under her heart for all those months ready to sacrifice her for the literal world, putting her body on the line but also like. She's actually a very loving person. Her rage is the rage of someone who despises injustice, her rage is the rage of someone who has plenty to lose, her rage is the rage of someone who has a people that need her. And this horrible little thing she grew in her despite not having the plans for it--she had to think about what made it worth it and you know what made it worth it? That this baby was meant to end the suffering of THEIR people, that this baby would be the key to kill the father, that this baby was where all their hope was placed, that this baby had to carry all the "sins" of both sides of this war, do you think she ever had a moment wondering if the baby, if this little Bomb, this little flesh of her flesh and blood of his blood, would forgive any of them for it? I think also of her trapped body and trapped soul, of her in that sword, how that sword in Harrow's hands was furious, was rejecting, but how in Gideon's was a weird comfort. How Gideon went to her bones, forced to labor under these people she fucking despised, do you think she heard Gideon? Do you think she heard Gideon speak to her bones, do you think she felt Gideon's prayers for a mother, do you think that fury she had was also the fury that this weird thing that she had never intended to have was being twisted to serve the empire she was going to be sacrificed to destroy? He deserved that at least, she said about G1deon. He deserved that at least, so what does Gideon deserve? The language was dehumanizing but not without fondness. Wake just seems so much the type of person, the kind of resolute and almost-humorous who might accidentally get a spot, soft and tender deep in--she said she carried Gideon under her heart. Under her heart. She didn't say in her gut, she said under her heart. And under her heart, I really think there's a tiny part of her still there for Gideon, for Bomb, for the thing that maybe in another life could've just been her and G1deon's weird little explosive tyke. In another life, that could've been the shitty love child of her goofy ass situationship and that little thing could've held Pash's machete and learned to build bombs to take down the Houses, or in another life outside of that, in a life without Jod at all, maybe that thing could've just been a gap-toothed kid with a meanass laugh and no need to carry the fate of humanity. I think of how Wake is Mary. How Gideon is the Jesus she has to give up for humanity, that she was fully prepared to give up, but I also think of how Wake gave herself up as well. Pregnancy is incredibly difficult, and in the end she was killed--not necessarily by her actual pregnancy, but. I just have a lot of emotions. When she was preparing herself to sacrifice Gideon, to sacrifice "Bomb," do you think a fondness grew specifically to how this baby was meant to save them? Do you think she thought "at least if this kid is going to have my dna, it's going to use that to take this fucker down finally," do you think coming so close made that little bit of potential pride slip in? And then she's her sword and her bones are on those fields and not only is her body made slave, her soul made bound, but all that fucking hope is chained down alongside her, stripped from any knowledge, any fucking purpose, molded instead for the very thing she carried it to destroy. Emotions.

unpopular opinion: Apparently that I see her as Black, lmao, it was from the description of her hair and nose, which doesn't have to mean Black, but it's how I see her.

song i associate with them: Okay well obviously fucking 'Lose Yourself' by Eminem, boo, tomato tomato, but another one that maybe isn't as often tied to her is 'Wygd' by Empara Mi. For funsies, I also do literally always associate her with 'Are You That Somebody' by Aaliyah. Darlin, I know you wanna light me up~

favorite picture of them: I'll post my sketch here because I do like showing part of how I see her, even if I may never clean up or do more with the sketch, but also I love this and this (sobbing about baby Bomb).

[radioappleheadcanons]

Thinking about how both TVs and Phones use radio waves, and how that means, in theory, that the only reason Vox and Velvette can function as overlords is because Alastor lets them. Thinking about how they could push too far and lose that mercy they don't even know he's giving them.

They insult his mother, I think. Maybe just one, maybe both. But he glows that they had better shut their mouths. They don't. He just about tears them to shreds. The power goes out, and phones don't work, but they think it's because of the attack. It takes months for them to heal, but the devices never start working again. It was the first thing they tried to fix, as they were healing. They got power back, so there are lights, but no phones or TVs or anything that uses radio waves. They think the Radio demon must have cursed them, but they don't know how.

At the Hotel, things are tense, because Charlie isn't happy with Alastor's outburst. The others are scared of him, all but Lucifer. After yet another fight between the hotel owner and its sponsor, Alstor storms up to his radio tower. The king follows, determined to get answers. Alastor isn't happy to see him, but Lucifer doesn't care.

He sits on the floor, watching the radio demon, before asking 'Did you know that phones and tvs use radiowaves? I didn't. I only learned because I was researching them a few days ago."

"Going to yell at me for breaking them?" The redhead hissed.

"No. But I am course as to what they did to push you. They've done a lot of horrible things, but you've never responded like this." The shadow hisses at the king and lunges at him, but Lucifer bats it away. He's waiting for a response.

"They insulted my mother." It's hard to hear over the angry static, but the blond makes it out.

He hums. "You must love her a lot, to have this response. Tell me about her. I never really had one and Lilith - while I love her - did leave Charlie and I." Alastor stills at that. He hadn't ever really considered it. But he slowly slides down so he's sitting next to Lucifer and starts to tell him about his mama and everything she had done for him.

Later, Lucifer goes to the Vees, looking amused to see them scramble. He asks several teasing questions, with the goal of learning if they know why their things are still down. They don't. And gleefully, he explains. At their horrified faces, he laughs.

When they ask if he could command Alastor to simply stop, he turns serious. "No. And you have a lot of nerve asking me to do so. From what I know, that woman was practically a saint. And even if she wasn't, she's the closest thing I'll ever have to a mother." He turns and leaves, and the Vees stare after him, too scared to think about what that last sentence implies

[boizandgurlzinthehouse]

Hi, how are you? do you sleep well? how about Beelzebub, Buddha, Loki (record of ragnarok) with an agelo-like reader, like this beautiful light, eyes the color of the ocean that reflects the world's sadness, such a pretty little angel, it would be nice to see how they take care of this exhausted creature, you can childhood friends . I know it's confusing, but I wrote it from the heart. If you don't want to, you can ignore (≧∇≦)/

hii sweetie, yes is slept well, thank uu and u? i studied the whole day but now i take some time off for the reqs <3

note: i made some headers, aren't they cute ?

beelzebub

— he knew you from the beginning of his eternal-ness, but only met you again when you came back from the world. your friends, the other angels were dead by the miserable state of the people, or already up in the valhalla. not knowing where to go, you bet everything on meeting an old friend again.

— in the middle of an exploration, one of his servants disturbed him with the news that the angel named y/n fell in front of the gates of his realms. the servants only knew one angel's name, y/n, not accidentally. leaving the lifeless body, he went to guide the angel inside.

— seeing y/n weak and sad, instead of keeping distance between them like with everybody else, beelzebub bends down, slowly but surely lifting up the fallen angel into his arms. brushing her soft, golden hair like a cat's fur, he wipes the tears off of her cheek. as though he seems calm, he's seething and thinking about the most brutal monsters that he could send down to the earth as a punishment for hurting you.

— "i'm gonna heal you, y/n, don't you every worry." he says as he commands his servants to tide up a room for you. walking you to the room, placing you down on the bed, he scans your body for injuries. whenever he finds one, another idea of a gigantic, horrific monster flows into his mind... or catching the people who did this to you, and laying them onto his operating table as a new 'guinea pig', making never-ending, horrible creatures from them.

— brushing your face, you slowly lift up your arm to feel his skin. he holds your hand, kissing it, leads it into his hair to fulfill your wishes. sitting beside you, brushing your forehead and tear-stains, a servant silently brings in a plate with food and water on it.

— "are you hungry, little one?" he asks quietly. shaking your head, you just pull him close to you. "no, it's just... hurts... can you help me, beelz? i don't have anybody else who i could turn to, you are the only one who i can trust fully." at your words, his heart cramps, a feeling that he's not used to. all the hundreds of years you spent down on earth, beelzebub sometimes thought that he doesn't have a heart because of the lack of movement in his chest. laying beside you, stroking your hair, he leads his hand onto yours.

— his anger brings out the best ideas from him, and his best ideas are the worst things a mortal person could ever see in his life... as the last thing they see before they die. beelzebub tortures himself into the thought that he doesn't even want to make tests on them; he just wants to make them suffer for hundreds of year, when they beg for him to just simply end their life and tear their souls.

— "of course i can help you, little angel. but you gotta tell me," healing you is going to be easy or difficult, he didn't care. but in his eyes, those morons' suffer gonna give your pleasure. that's why he said to brunhilde that beside adamas, he was the other who wanted to end the humankind the most. hugging you closer to his chest, he whispered, ready for the hunt of those who hurt you,

"who did this to you?"

buddha

— he could see from the doorframe that his little angel had a bad day. seeing you lay in your common bed curling into yourself like a baby, only your hair flowing out from under the blanket, he knew it was a really, really bad day. sticking the lollipop back between his lips, he decided to help your state, walking on his side of the bed and laying down.

— "what's the matter, little angel?" he asked, not getting an answer. poking your side, he didn't get a reaction either. were you sleeping? or did you just ignore him? "don't answering, hmm? maybe i should just lift this blanket up." he continued, getting a little head-shake from you. "oh, you don't want to? okay then, you want it to be a guessing game, huh?" no answer.

— buddha knew what you went through when you were between people, and while you weren't as strong as him, you suffered well down there. he saw you first on a feast, sitting quietly beside aphrodite, scanning the people around you. when buddha looked into your eyes, it was blue like his, but not sharp, light blue eyes -your eyes were ocean blue, filled with sorrow and everything that his followers felt before he came to lead them. a lot of things happened since then, but the main thing was that he helped you from your pain, and cured your soul from the things that you survived. you were just like zerofuku, but without abilities, you took the blame and it wasn't turned into pain, you turned it into sadness.

— "are you sad, y/n?" a nod. huh, maybe it's one of those episodes when your memories just get back to you. everytime after your episodes, you were happy and cuddly, sticking to his side and clawing up to him to touch you, your face, your hair and your body like a little kitten. but when episodes came, this all went out on the window. "is it your memories?" another nod. "do you want to be alone?" you shook your head.

— you felt whole with buddha. hell, you didn't even know why he was with you, a confident, happy, calm god with a bag of sadness and nerves like you. it wasn't your looks either that could catch his attention; he could get any goddess or deity or angel in seconds without a word. sometimes when you thought about your relationship, you feared that he's with you because of pity; but in the beginning, buddha told you that he would never to that to anyone. especially not you.

— "you want me to stay here, little one?" you nod again, and he slightly lifted up the blanket, you let him see your face -your face with tear stains, your red eyes, messy eyebrows and lashes, your almost bleeding lips. buddha tutted, stroking the side of your face that was not laying on the pillow, curling up one of your goldens strands between his long fingers. "my angel, you know you can always tell me if something's wrong. you can hit up on me even in my sleep, only you."

— "i never want to hit you." you croaked, putting your head on his wide chest. hearing his heartbeat, the magical calmness and fullness of his soul always made you realize that you were in a safe place.

— "i know, little heart, i know." he hold the back of your head close to his chest, wrapping his arms around you. a nap sounded nice anyways, and when you wake up, maybe you gonna be the happy, bubbly bunch you really are -who you really were before your time on earth.

loki

— when you are sad, heart filled with sadness and sorrow from the memories you collected while being down on earth, loki sneaks up on you. he not just senses but sees on you those cruel episodes: your body is like a statue, even if you lift up one of your arm, staring into nothing, not reacting to anything. he even tricked you a couple times, making loud noises, but neither his tricks, neither the bumms and bamms did not catch your attention.

— when this happens, loki gets your favourite object in the whole valhalla; your little music player. you got it from him when you got back from earth, on a feast. picking out the best calming yet rhytmic song, he press the play button, and slowly, but surely forces you to turn around. when you groan, or just blink up at him, he wears his sweetest smile -not the scary, bloodlust one, but the smile you seeked comfort from the first time.

— "come on, angel, you can do this. a little dance never hurt anyone, didn't it?" holding up your hand, moving it aside, forcing you to take small steps with the movements. he sees the eternal pain in your eyes, but the more he sees, the more he wants to lessen it. when you stop in your movements and just lean on the sides like a ragdoll, lki sighs a little.

— "you don't like it when someone makes you do something, isn't it?" loki asks, not waiting for an asnwer, but then suddenly, he lift up your foot to be under his covered ones. this way you are closer to him, and he takes the chance to hug you. in his mind, similar to beelzebub, he just wants to trick the people who did this to you -your miserableness was the first cause why he voted on killing the entire humankind, and that's why he's gonna fight. if he wins, it's the higher chance that people never gonna hurt you anymore.

— you lean your head on his shoulder, his heart thumps a little. kissing the crown of you hair, loki swings to the sides. "there, much better, isn't it?" he just wants to search up on someone to cure your sadness, even if he's the god of mischief, he never wants you to look like on of his victims. maybe somebody in this freaking big valhalla, between the thousand and thousand gods, somebody knows a cure, or a medicine -he's not gonna have a problem with sneaking it into your food, gods, he could even take some on his tongue to give it to you when the two of you kiss.

— "it's gonna be alright, alright, don't worry." he whispers as the songs ends, another begins. it's always the others who says this when loki intrigues here and there, causing chaos. but don't worry, just as he said, your little old love, loki is gonna bring you out from his.

i began to write this yesterday, but i got exams and a math test, so i did them first. i hope you enjoyed it, and if you want to be on the taglist, just comment on this post or dm me <3

[rosie-b]

True Blue

Chapter 12: In which Nathalie is the MVP

I'm finally back!!! It feels like it's been forever since the last chapter. This past semester was really busy for me, so I'm glad that I could finally post a new update! You can read it on AO3 or below!

Pinning the brooch back on felt like a chore. 

The poison hadn’t spread far enough that it was physically difficult for Marinette to do, but after that akuma, she barely felt worthy to touch the brooch, let alone wear it and transform with it. 

Duusu appeared moments after she managed to secure the brooch with weak fingers. Normally, Marinette would avoid talking to the kwami. She felt guilty about it, but M. Agreste had warned her that the kwami’s mind was addled, poisoned by its own Miraculous, and that talking to Duusu could hasten the spread of her illness. 

Well, that was no longer a concern. So what if Marinette poisoned herself again and again each time she became Bluewing? She had the ingredients she needed to undo the dark magic every time. 

“Wooh! What a ride! I was upside-down for a moment!” Duusu giggled, whirling around in the air before stopping in front of Marinette’s face. “Hello! Who are you? You look weird!” 

Marinette sighed. M. Agreste had been right, after all. Duusu did seem pretty addled. Didn’t they remember her at all? 

“I’m Marinette. We didn’t exactly have the best meeting last time,” she said to the wide-eyed bird. “Would you like to try again?”  

She offered her hand to the bird, who eyed it suspiciously and pecked at her finger. Marinette sighed. 

“I’m your new holder. Nice to meet you,” Marinette said, forcing a small smile onto her face. 

At these words, Duusu immediately brightened up and began flying around her excitedly. “Oh! A new holder? How exciting! I haven’t had a new holder since Foom! Or maybe it was Doom? Duberry? Emery? Oh, well, I’m sure we’ll get along just fine!” Suddenly, Duusu stopped with a frown. “No, wait, you can’t be my holder. You smell like... roses. And bread. That’s not right, that’s not right at all,” they fussed, flying back and forth in a dizzying motion. 

Marinette felt she was going to throw up, and she knew it wasn’t just the kwami’s back-and-forth flight causing the feeling. 

“Stop!” she cried, covering her eyes with her hands.  

But Duusu kept flying back and forth, and she could feel the air shifting against her skin with its motion. The kwami’s dizzying movement mixed with the sickly feeling of the brooch’s poison, and Marinette couldn’t focus, couldn’t think.  

“Stop, please! I order you to stop!” she cried out, without fully recognizing the power of what she had said. 

Duusu ground to a halt. They struggled in midair, casting a betrayed look at Marinette.  

“What happened? Did you just... order me? Oh, none of my holders have ever ordered me before,” they mourned, and their tail drooped behind them as Marinette slowly uncovered her eyes. 

“I did? I ordered you?”  

It was a horrifying thing to wake up to. Marinette had only said the first words that came to her mind in an attempt to make the sickness-inducing motion stop. She hadn’t meant to command anyone, not really! 

And yet, she had. Marinette doubled over as the sick feeling in her stomach intensified. 

“You did!” Duusu wailed. “And now you feel awful! But, oh, I’ll never be able to move again!” 

With this, they burst into tears, crying aloud at the horrible situation they were in, and Marinette felt her eyes well up, too. 

“I’m sorry!” she gasped. “I didn’t mean to! How do I undo it?” 

“I forget!” Duusu cried. In a panic, they cast their gaze about, trying to find some kind of solution. Then they paused on something just outside of Marinette’s vision, and suddenly, their tears halted in their tracks. “Oh, look, a butterfly! Easily my only true rival in beauty,” they preened. “Isn’t it beautiful, Master?” 

There was no way Duusu was just seeing a normal butterfly, not today in Paris. It must be an akuma! But why would M. Agreste send another akuma out so soon after the last one? 

Marinette whirled around, trying to spot the akuma through her blurry vision. 

There it is, she realized, It’s just a meter away!  

But wait, its wings... they’re orange, not black and purple.  

Marinette sucked in a deep breath. This was just a normal butterfly. She’d been wrong. Relief coursed through Marinette’s body, easing the churning sickness in her stomach a little. 

Determined, Marinette turned back to Duusu, who was back to wriggling in place. She still needed to un-order them! 

“Duusu, I release you,” she tried, forcing her voice out as loud and authoritative as she could get it. When nothing happened, she tried again. “Uh, I order you to disregard my previous order.” Will that work? M. Agreste never taught me about kwami orders!  

Wait. What if... what if Duusu isn’t the only one I just gave an order to?  

Marinette would never forgive herself if she’d just broached M. Agreste’s trust and broken her promise by giving an order to poor Adrien! Her heart raced as she wondered just how badly she’d messed up (on top of everything else she’d messed up today). 

Meanwhile, Duusu began zipping around again, although they stopped when they noticed Marinette’s eyes beginning to cross. 

“Oh, thank you!” they cheered. “I’m all better, Master! But... but you still feel so bad!” 

Duusu burst into tears again, and Marinette swallowed, reaching out to cup them in her hands.  

“There, there, it’s all right,” she said in a quiet voice. “I’ll be okay. I’ve been okay before, too. But right now, I need to get back to Adrien! We were at a photoshoot together, but then I... I did something horrible!” Her hands began to tremble, only partly because of the weakness spreading in her thanks to the brooch’s poison. 

Duusu wailed even louder. “Oh, it’s so sad! You think you hurt him, but you’re the one feeling all the pain!” 

“I’m sure he’s not feeling so good, either,” Marinette muttered, brushing a tear away from the corner of her eye before it could fall. “Duusu, do you think when I ordered you... I ordered him, too? Oh, what if he’s still stuck by the mansion, or the park? What if I made him stop moving in the middle of a street? Duusu, I really need to go make sure he’s okay! Spread my feathers!” 

She was running off towards Place des Vosges before her transformation had finished, her mind focused only on making sure Adrien was safe. 

“Adrien!” she called as she drew closer. “Adrien!” 

People stared at her as she passed by. One old woman even crossed herself. Marinette wondered why. She was just a normal girl, right? 

As she skidded past the corner where her house sat, she caught sight of Adrien. He was helping Nathalie move something back into the limousine, a garment bag, perhaps. What exactly it was didn’t matter, though, because he was moving! That meant Marinette hadn’t ordered him, after all! 

Well... not unless she had, and then her counter-order had worked on him, too. She’d better check, just in case. 

“Adrien,” Bluewing panted as she rushed up to him and put her hands on his shoulders. “Are you okay? Have you felt any weird urges to stay absolutely still and not fly around in dizzying zig-zigs?” 

Adrien went rigid under her touch. “Uh, nope, nothing like that, Bluewing,” he said, quirking one eyebrow. “Why, did Hawk Moth make another akuma already, and you’re trying to check if it's working?” 

“Well, no, I...” Marinette’s face scrunched up. Bluewing?  

Panicking, Marinette looked down at herself and realized that yes, she really was Bluewing right now! She’d just transformed to get here in time, but then... she hadn’t remembered to detransform. She’d just run up to Adrien like this, and now it looked like a well-known villain was checking in on a random (but famous) civilian. 

Bluewing realized that this was possibly the worst she had messed up that day. Maybe ever, if this led to the public figuring out her real identity. 

“Oh, n-no, sorry, I just wanted to check up on you,” she stammered. “I’m so sorry, there’s no akuma right now. That I know of. So, um. Bye?” 

She lifted her hands off of Adrien’s shoulders in a very casual, totally-not-your-best-friend-y way and ran back out of the park. To her horror, she could hear someone laughing as she fled, and as the adrenaline faded, the sick feeling in her stomach came back full force. 

“Fall my feathers,” she whispered once she’d made it back to the mansion. Ripping off her brooch, she put it back in the safe and hurried out to the foyer, intending to head right back out to the park. 

Gabriel stopped her as she stepped out of the room. 

“The photoshoot has been cancelled,” he informed her bluntly. “Adrien called me to say that he was concerned you wouldn’t feel comfortable working with him today. Apparently, he kissed you while you were under Dark Cupid’s spell,” he added with a stern look. 

So, this was happening now. Sure. She didn’t need a break to recover from all the mistakes she’d already managed to make, or anything! 

Marinette felt faint as she summoned up her courage and stood tall despite the pain now radiating through her body. “I suppose that’s one way to put it. Believe me, I didn’t mean to. And I know,” she swallowed hard, “I know he didn’t want to kiss me. I don’t know what happened. But I’m not surprised he doesn’t want to work with me, after that. I understand if he never wants to see me again.” 

Gabriel tsk- ed and looked down at Marinette for a moment, no doubt considering whether to take back Adrien’s amok, fire Marinette from her internship, and never let her in his house again.

“I don’t think that’s what he meant. Adrien is nothing if not stubborn, and once he makes a friend, he is reluctant to let go of them. I believe he’ll be back to normal in a day or two, as sentimental as he is. Do not worry too much about him, Marinette. Keep your attention on what’s most important. Your... entanglement with Adrien threw you off today. Don’t let yourself be distracted by whatever you feel for him. Call it what you want, but don’t take me for a fool, Marinette. Don’t waste your potential for the possibility of a relationship with Adrien.”

Marinette felt shame creep up her neck, staining her cheeks a damning red. “That’s not... I don’t want to date your son,” she protested. “I... was distracted by what happened, but only because it made me hurt a good friend. That’s not what I ever wanted to do,” she whispered. 

“As you say,” Gabriel said disbelievingly. “Regardless, I think perhaps I have put too much stress on you recently. Take the afternoon off. I’ll have Nathalie give you homework, so that you don’t fall too far behind on your lessons. Go home, and don’t think about the mission for one evening. When you come back tomorrow, I expect you to be sharp and ready for battle.” 

“Yes, M. Agreste,” Marinette said. “I’m sorry for letting you down.” 

“I don’t want you to be sorry,” he said. “I want you to be better.” 

Gabriel walked past her, heading to his atelier. Marinette lingered behind, feeling lost. He’d just dismissed her. She had done such a terrible job that he’d dismissed her and told her to rest, like some tragic Victorian lady! 

It was all Marinette could do to stay on her feet and keep her shameful blush at bay as she packed up to go and replaced her old vial with one full of new potion. This immediately lifted most of the sickness she was feeling, but not all of what she felt was because of the Miraculous’ poison; she knew that. 

Ms. Sancoeur stopped Marinette before she could leave. 

“I haven’t given you your lessons yet,” she said in her usual, cold tone. “Here. Gabriel told me you weren’t feeling well today. I hope you are better tomorrow.” 

“Thank you,” Marinette said as she set down her bookbag and placed the folder Nathalie had handed her inside it. “I promise, I’ll be back to normal soon.” 

“Good,” Nathalie said, folding her tablet under one arm.  

Marinette lifted her bookbag over her shoulders. “Will I be walking home, or did M. Agreste ask the Gorilla to wait for me?” 

“The chauffeur will drive you, of course. But before you leave, there’s something else I need to tell you. Marinette, someone recorded the kiss Adrien gave you to break Dark Cupid’s spell.” 

Marinette felt like she’d been hit by one of Chat Grise’s warning-less punches.  

“What? How? I, I didn’t see anyone after,” she stuttered as her heart pounded fast and loud in her chest. How could this keep getting worse? 

“One of Adrien’s fans noticed your fight and followed you back to the mansion. They recorded the second half on their phone and posted it on social media,” Ms. Sancoeur continued, looking down at her tablet and ignoring Marinette’s wide-eyed gaze. “Unfortunately, I was unable to take the post down before it went viral. I’m doing what I can to scrub the video off the internet, but with how large and active Adrien’s fanbase is, I’m afraid it’s an impossible task. Until the commotion dies down, you’re going to have to deal with increased attention from the public and heightened security when you’re outside the mansion. For now, don’t go anywhere without telling either me or M. Agreste first. We’ll have Adrien’s bodyguard cover you if he’s available.”  

Marinette’s mouth was dry, but her hands grew clammy as she listened to Nathalie’s explanation. Her mind skipped like an old DVD as she tried to picture how the public must think of her now. What explanations were they coming up with for the kiss?  

She must have looked as panicked as she felt, because Ms. Sancoeur’s face softened. “Marinette. It’s okay to admit that you need a break for more than one evening.” 

“I’ll be okay,” Marinette quickly replied. After all, the kiss had just been another side effect of an akuma. With how often Paris got those, Marinette’s moment of infamy shouldn’t last long. 

Nathalie’s eyebrow lifted half a millimeter. “Are you really sure you can handle this? From now on, every time you step outside, you’ll need to watch for paparazzi. That’s in addition to all the reporters you have to avoid as Bluewing, and although Adrien will be dealing with increased exposure after the kiss as well, if the public has a negative opinion about it, they will find a way to blame you. In their eyes, you’d be a criminal.”

In their eyes, you’d be a criminal.  

“Oh,” Marinette replied, her body on autopilot as Ms. Sancoeur’s words circled around in her head like a child’s toy train on its track. “I’m sure it won’t be as bad as what the press says about Bluewing,” Marinette responded, her shoulders slumping as she mentally prepared for the next few days of hell. “I’ll handle it on my own, Ms. Sancoeur.” 

“Please don’t. You don’t need to suffer, Marinette, all you need to do is give us a call before you step outside for any reason. And hang blackout curtains up in your room, if you haven’t already. And don’t stay in your parents’ shop for long; it’s too open and that makes it dangerous.” Ms. Sancoeur sighed. “Just... be careful. Adrien cares a lot about you, Marinette, and it’s clear that you care about him, in return. True love’s kiss is not something to scoff at, apparently.” 

Marinette’s heart caught in her throat. “True love’s kiss? Ms. Sancoeur, you must be mistaken. That wasn’t kiss love true— kiss blue— I mean, it was just an effect from the akuma, right? It didn’t mean anything.” 

Nathalie’s lips thinned. “Marinette, I may not be an expert in romantic love by any stretch of the imagination, but the akuma today was likely influenced by the literature Kim was reading with the rest of Adrien’s class. I keep notes on what he is studying, even now, and this week, Ms. Bustier’s class was studying fairy tales. In particular, they were studying classics like Sleeping Beauty and Snow White.” 

Marinette scowled and crossed her arms. “So? That doesn’t mean anything. It’s not like M. Agreste had you design the akuma for him.” 

Nathalie frowned and adjusted her glasses. “Adrien already told me his half of the story. The kiss was not a side effect of the akuma; anyone can see that. Its powers reversed people’s affections, and Kim targeted lovers and friends. That means your protective love for Adrien was turned into a dangerous hatred of him. You were attacking him— were, but Kim wasn’t the only one paying attention in class. Adrien decided to kiss you, in the hopes that the fairy tales’ words would prove true. A kiss, a symbol of romantic love, is what breaks evil’s spell.” 

Marinette swayed on her feet, and Nathalie quickly reached out to steady her. 

“Of course, friendly love is quite powerful, too!" Nathalie said in a rush. "It’s what kept me here, trying to find a cure for Emilie alongside Gabriel. And— but sometimes, friendly love, in the end, doesn’t turn out to be so friendly. Don’t you think?”  

Nathalie looked extremely embarrassed by her admission. Marinette was so occupied by what she’d revealed about the kiss to focus on anything else, though. 

“But, Ms. Sancoeur, I don’t love Adrien like that! He’s my friend, but I know my love for him is just platonic! Even if he loves me, I— I’m in love with someone else!” she burst out. 

Nathalie stilled and straightened. “You’re in love? With whom?” 

Marinette’s cheeks reddened as she realized her mistake. 

“I’m in love? What? Where did you get that idea? I’m not in love, I’m just friendemy, henemy, I mean I’m not in love! With anyone! So there!” 

Marinette tried to maintain steady eye contact with Nathalie to show she wasn’t lying, but Ms. Sancoeur had mastered the art of the withering gaze at If Looks Could Kill college, and it wasn’t long before she had to cave in. 

“Okay, fine. I’m not in love, but it’s just really hard to not think that Golden Bug is cute, right? I mean, his puns are atrocious, but for a villain, he’s way too kind. He’s on the wrong side, but he has a heart of gold!” She giggled helplessly. “And his eyes are like, wow, and his face when he’s confused is just—” 

“Let’s stop there,” Nathalie said hurriedly. “Please just stop. You’re in love with Golden Bug?” 

Marinette’s cheeks felt like they were on fire. “It’s just a crush. A phase. I’ll grow out of it.” 

Ms. Sancoeur sighed. “Okay, you have a crush on Golden Bug. But you know Adrien has a crush on you?” 

Marinette squeaked. “Well, now that you’ve said it like that, I guess I do? But he probably, I mean, it’s been a confusing kiss, I mean, we’re just friends and we’re going to stay like that! And I can’t date him anyway, because M. Agreste said I couldn’t, so how do we help him get over me?” 

Ms. Sancoeur’s eyes sharpened. “Gabriel told you not to date Adrien? When?” 

“Like, five minutes before you started talking to me. He said my emotions are making me distracted during battles and then told me to take a break. I don’t think he trusts me anymore. But he let me keep Adrien’s amok, which— oh, no. Nathalie, you don’t think I’m influencing Adrien to love me, do you? Am I abusing his amok? Why don’t they come with instructions; this is all too complicated,” she fussed, slapping her hands to the side of her face. 

Ms. Sancoeur frowned. “Well, do you want him to love you? Or did you give him an order to kiss you today?” 

Marinette’s hands fell into fists at her side. “No! I would never!” 

“Then his emotions are not influenced by your amok. They are his own, Marinette, and you shouldn’t start trying to control them now. I’ll talk to Gabriel for you, and see if I can get him to change his mind. You should be allowed to date whomever you like.” 

“What? Thank you, but I thought I said I don’t want to date Adrien?” 

“No, but you did imply that you wanted to get over Golden Bug, and I find myself agreeing very much with that sentiment. And here, you have Adrien, who already cares very deeply about you—” 

Marinette clasped her hands over her ears. “No!” 

Ms. Sancoeur’s lips twitched as if she was amused, but she took pity on Marinette after a moment. “You don’t have to date him. But I am concerned that M. Agreste is restricting who he can and can’t date. I’m not just talking to him on your behalf, but on Adrien’s. Although, if you really do want to move on from Golden Bug, and if you happen to face the core of those friendly, distracting emotions you have for Adrien and find they’re not what you thought they were... I don’t think it would be such a bad idea. He is the real reason you agreed to become Bluewing, isn’t he? I know it couldn’t have been Emilie. You never had the chance to know her like I did.” 

Marinette looked down, feeling the heat in her cheeks cool somewhat. “You’re right. Most of what M. Agreste told me was awful, and I do care about healing Emilie, but Adrien... well, he’s the closest friend I’ve had in a long time. I don’t want to hurt him! And I don’t want him to get hurt by anyone else, either. That’s why M. Agreste trusted me with one of his amoks. That’s why I agreed to fight, to protect him and make sure he gets the family he deserves. Only, I feel like I’m kind of doing the opposite of not hurting him now. How can I keep being his friend when I only mess it up? And how do I turn him down without hurting him, especially since he hasn’t confessed his crush to me?” 

Nathalie hummed. “I think Gabriel was right to trust you. You haven’t hurt Adrien, not yet, anyway. You might, if you deal with his feelings the wrong way. He’s as fragile as he is strong, Marinette. But you know that already. My advice, as unqualified as I fear it is, is to keep being his friend as you have in the past. Don’t acknowledge his feelings unless he brings them up, and be honest and gentle with him. Your friendship means a lot to both of you. It’s not going to break because of a crush.” 

“But it might,” Marinette said fearfully. “What if I say the wrong thing? What if I never get over Golden Bug, but Adrien never gets over me, and we have to tiptoe around our feelings forever?” 

“You won’t say the wrong thing, Marinette, not if you’re honest and considerate. And if you still love Golden Bug? Then you’ll work through it. You have a heart of gold, yourself, you know. And there’s enough room for more than one kind of love in it. Listen. Go home, rest up like Gabriel said. Don’t worry about anything tonight. I’m on your side, and we’ll figure this out together. You’ll be okay. Both of you will.” 

Marinette sniffed. “Thank you,” she said, surging forward to give Nathalie a quick hug. “You’re the best secretary ever. You deserve, like, a thousand raises for this. And a hamster.” 

Nathalie huffed out a quiet laugh. “Well, thank you. I appreciate it. And I promise not to let word of your secret crush slip to Gabriel. Now, don’t waste your extra time. Go, the chauffeur is waiting for you.” 

She patted Marinette on the back and watched her get ready to leave. When Marinette reached the car and got in, she offered a small wave, and turned to head to the atelier.   

Marinette smiled as the car pulled away from the mansion. She hadn’t seemed like she would at first, but Nathalie really did care. 

[dr-futbol-blog]

Sanctuary, Pt. 18

Sheppard takes off with the jumper to go find out what just happened but not without one last look at the people he's ultimately doing all of this for.

McKay and Weir both turn to look at him but McKay is still quiet, not giving him any advice, not asking him not to go, to be careful, wishing him good luck, or what ever it is people are meant to say in situations like this. He wouldn't know what to say even if he wanted to say something. Sheppard asked him to give them a moment, and that's something he can do for the major.

What's interesting is that now we are shown Weir's agitation. We get a very similar shot of her as we did of McKay the previous night:

They are both worried about him. But Weir's worry had to do with Sheppard flying in alone and without back-up to an expected wraith attack. It's a very sensible thing to worry about. She had suddenly lost all control over a situation she thought she had a handle on and could only helplessly watch the senior military officer endanger himself, make one of those calls he saw "a little different," very clearly allowing his emotions to dictate his actions again. She's worried, and she's frustrated.

McKay's concern had been much more personal in nature. He could tell something wasn't right long before anyone else. And he'd been right about her all along. She wasn't who she claimed to be, she had some kind of a hold on Sheppard, and as much as he desired to know all the secrets of the Ancients, they should have sent her away. If Weir is concerned for him now that he's flying in blind to enemy territory, McKay is well beyond that point. He did everything in his power to protect Sheppard, and now he can only helplessly watch him go. But because the camera pans on Weir, we don't actually get to see McKay's reaction to him leaving.

For Sheppard, this is still all about "the people". He mentions Chaya's people to Weir as his motivation, and once he's through the gate and she materializes in his jumper, he also tells her that his purpose is to defend her people:

Chaya: What are you doing here? Sheppard: I'm here to help you. Chaya: Help me? Sheppard: To defend your people.

He does the same thing he did with McKay at the beginning of the episode: he wants to look but then forces himself to look away. She touches him, calms him down the way her touch has calmed down everyone she has used it on. Notice how she gives him a command while still holding on to him. She's trying to use what ever powers of suggestion she has to keep him safe by making him leave.

Only, it's not working on him anymore. For what ever reason--be it his strong ATA gene, the strength of his resolve, the power of love, something overriding her influence--it doesn't work the same way it had previously.

I want to highlight something, here. All the other characters (bar Ford) gave Sheppard commands in this episode, told him what they wanted him to do. Teyla volunteered him to show her around, Weir just told him to go. All of the women, in one way or another, disregarded Sheppard's consent. This is also something that we as the audience are primed not to recognize, as he is a man. He's the hero, the protagonist. How could his will be overridden? This is why we return to this episode in the context of Lucius Lavin later. But in contrast to all of them, McKay only ever gave Sheppard his recommendation: "I'm just recommending that in the meantime..." Even when every bone in his body seemed to be telling him that something was terribly, horribly wrong, he respected Sheppard's autonomy. He also clearly didn't want Sheppard to leave just now (also in contrast to her, here) but he still didn't tell him to stay or not to go either. If you love someone, let them go.

And here she is, still trying to make him do something that he doesn't want to do. But it's not working. He does not leave.

You can tell that he's extremely conflicted here, doing the lip thing. The beginning and the end of the episode rhyme. But where she now disappears, earlier we saw McKay appear (having just been knocked down by her). Chaya and McKay are very much contrasted in this episode.

Sheppard asked her previously what she would do if the shoe was on the other foot which seemed to upset her: "What if the shoe was on the other foot? What if your people were in trouble and we could help you? Would you just take no for an answer?"

He is not a hypocrite. He's looking for sanctuary for his people, yes, but he is willing to defend anyone from the wraith. Especially as he believes that it's his fault they have been unleashed on countless defenseless worlds. This is his responsibility. So he is there to do his part. Only, he doesn't need to. She disposes of them with ease.

Not only does Sheppard not leave like she told him to, he goes after her to her holy of holies. He needs some answers. He deserves some answers.

When she appears, he still clearly feeling anger toward her:

Sheppard: Is it "Chaya" or "Athar"? I'm just curious. Chaya: When I was a mortal, I lived here. This was my home. When those of us who you call the Ancients ascended, we were supposed to leave behind us all human ties. Some of us found that difficult. Sheppard: So you couldn't stand by and watch your people getting wiped out by the wraith.

In this, they are kindred spirits. He can understand this. She mentions human ties and he does not think of romance, he thinks of protecting his people. He can respect that but he's still upset that she pretended to be something that she never was, that she lied and lead him on. This is the first time that he even gets to meet the real her.

Chaya: This is my punishment. This is what makes it punishment. If your people came here for my protection, the others would stop me. Do you understand? I can never help your people. Sheppard: I'm not sure I'm willing to walk away that easily. And I'm not just talking personally here, although that's definitely part of it… There is so much more we can learn from you. Chaya: I can't, John. The others won't allow it. Sheppard: That's just— Chaya: It is their highest law to never interfere. I am bound by those laws, however much I wish to help you. Sheppard: So, uh, we can never… Chaya: I can never leave.

He says 'we can never' do something that he never gets to specify. We are to assume that he means "you and I" and that it has to be something romantic--they are a man and a woman, after all. We can never consummate our love. We can never hook up. We can never grow old and die together. We can never have one another. Right? I mean, Sheppard has known her, the real her, for all of ten minutes and what he does know about her is that, while she may care for her people, she's a liar and fraud. Yeah, that makes no sense.

For most of the episode, Sheppard's "we" has been "we, the people of Atlantis," and his desire has been to secure them sanctuary on her planet. It's also notable that while he's telling her that sure, he would like to get to know her better, he's still, yes still, working McKay's agenda ("We'd give just about anything to talk to you, to learn from you"). It's probably not something he does consciously, just like his reference to the instruction manuals earlier. They've just become so close, so much a part of each other, that slipping into "we" has come about naturally for the both of them. We see signs everywhere that McKay is constantly in his thoughts, even here, even now.

It's when Chaya says "And so I was exiled. My punishment was the unending protection of this world" that Sheppard finally approaches her. That is something he can relate to. Her story is very similar to his albeit on a cosmic scale. Whether exile in Antarctica had been meted out as punishment or he had chosen to punish himself with it, it's this confession that resonates with him. Allows him finally to see her as a person.

But he hasn't forgiven her. He says "Why pretend to be human at all?" through gritted teeth.

She tells him that she had never regretted the choice she made all those years ago to isolate herself and eschew human connection until she met him, having come and gone among her people never staying long enough to get attached to anyone. The thing is, we are very much asked to see the parallels between her and Sheppard. Their lives have been very similar. Their loneliness, their deep hurt, their yearning for connection, they share all these things. And Sheppard, too, could speak the words that she does here.

Only, it wasn't her that made him regret his choice to not let anyone close to him. Oh no. He has been regretting it for a while now. And the more he desires that connection, the more violently he has lashed out to protect himself from it. Chaya may lash out with her mind but Sheppard uses his words.

She is a mirror that forces him to take a look at himself, and it is not an easy thing to do. It's uncomfortable. He doesn't want to end up like her and if he persists, that's what is going to happen. It makes him deeply unhappy.

It's only when she says "Do you understand? I can never help your people" that he actually reacts to her, suddenly springs to action. Until that moment, he was merely listening to her with very little emotion on his face. And as soon as she mentions his people, the people he has endangered and that she seems to be willing to leave defenseless that he, once more, tries to convince of the right thing to do. And yes, he uses flirtation. He openly admits that it's flirtation.

He tells her: "Well, I could come and visit. And now I'm flirting with somebody from another species." He's now flirting with somebody from another species. Previously, he didn't know who she was. Now he knows, and he still has to try. It's worth it, to try.

Now, she's told him that she can never give it to him, so he would be free to flirt with her as himself. But he also just told her again that he's not willing to walk away from this so easily, he never had intention of taking no for an answer. It is also entirely possible that he's still trying to use the fact that she is clearly fond of him to try to make her change her mind, in an attempt to influence her, screw "the others". Because it is clear that she was always much more infatuated with him than he was with her. He has felt loneliness but her loneliness is on a whole other level.

But the thing is, everything that she's saying is a mirror for John Sheppard. She is saying things that he has been thinking. He's also bound by laws, by rules and regulations. However much he wishes he could do something that goes against those regulations, he is bound by them. Which means that they can never. Not him and Chaya, there's nothing about different species in his regulations. There's something else there that means he can never, even if he was allowed to have feelings, even if he never had to justify them to anyone. He can't. They can't.

Chaya tells him that she can never leave which actually is the thing Sheppard most desperately wants to hear from someone. Athar is a friend that is with you, always. But there's a difference between someone that can't leave and someone who can but chooses not to.

In the SG-1 episode Ascension, we meet Orlin. He was an ascended Ancient who is very similar to Chaya, whose character parallels her in many ways. Orlin had likewise been punished by the Others for trying to help people of the lower realm by being forced to stay on the planet and watch them.

What he tells Carter is something that Chaya may as well have told Sheppard:

Orlin: I was there for hundreds of years by myself. The first time I saw you… Carter: Look… Orlin: Please. Let me finish. My kind are capable of a level of communication that shares our innermost essence. Carter: Telepathy. Orlin: Reading someone's mind is an invasion of privacy. It's not about specific thoughts or memory. It's a sort of… exchange of spirit. Carter: So you did this sharing thing on me. Orlin: Unfortunately, you passed out. I guess you weren't prepared. But I did learn about you. Carter: What did you learn? Orlin: That you're a good person, that your heart is pure, that on the inside your spirit is as beautiful as you are on the outside.

Orlin fell in love with Samantha Carter on first sight and was willing to sacrifice everything for her, even going so far as to retake mortal form. His story mirrors Chaya's beat for beat, only she chose her people over her love for a mortal. And while Orlin fell head over heels in love with Samantha Carter at first sight, he was not the love of her life. She thought he was cute, she was flattered that such a being had taken an interest in her. But it was a human that she loved. And this human knew her much better than Orlin even after sharing their essence. Also make note of this: Sheppard could have stayed. Here, he would have someone that can never leave and basically lives forever. On Proculus, he could live out the rest of his life without having to fear losing his companion. And he, too, chooses something else. Something more fragile.

Chaya tells Sheppard "We're not as different as you think." And they are very much alike. Both are willing to do pretty much anything to protect their people, including lying, manipulating, and even killing. Both have isolated themselves to protect the people from themselves but also to protect themselves from getting too close to anybody. So long as they remain alone, they can deal with the loneliness. Both think they know what's best for their people without having to consult them on the matter. Both yearn to connect but are too afraid to reach out. Yes, although they are a different species, they are very much alike.

Sheppard tells her, "I think we're more different than you think." They are that, too. John Sheppard is human. He is flawed, he's a work in progress. His heart is not pure and his love is carnal, occasionally jealous, sometimes selfish and self-serving. He can be petty, quick to anger, make rash judgements and wallow on his mistakes. He's human, and he loves humans for being human. He loves discovery, the potential for healing together, learning about the other person, finding a home in someone that is just as deeply flawed as you are, supporting one another in sickness, through thick and thin, someone to grow old with. John Sheppard gets sick, he hurts, suffers, cries and feels sorrow. He also experiences joy, passion, yearning, desire, and compassion. He's mortal, and his life is his to give away for anyone or anything he chooses. Chaya is not these things, and can never even come to understand what any of it means. Yes, although they are similar, they are also very, very different.

Earlier, Sheppard told Chaya "We're human, which means we're not strangers. We're family." But she is not human. She is, as he says, a different species. And he is glad that she didn't say they are family.

Returning to the topic of Star Trek for a moment, according to McKay, Sheppard was acting like Captain Kirk circa 1967 in his romancing of the alien princess. Only, Kirk did no such thing. In fact, 1967 which covers the latter half of the first season and the first half of the second season of the show don't really show Kirk romancing that many women whatsoever. If anything, he is frequently sexually assaulted by alien women or he has to pretend to romance them for some particular cause. He was frequently the victim of sexual coercion by women they encountered on their journeys. In this, Sheppard is indeed like Kirk, although that was not what McKay was referring to.

There aren't any alien priestesses in the first two seasons. The first bonafide alien priestess on the show is in the third season episode For the World is Hollow and I Have Touched the Sky (S03E10). And it is not Kirk who romances her but McCoy. Natira is the high priestess of the Oracle, an unseen authoritative entity manifested by a decorative altar and a booming voice. The episode seems to be borrowing more than a little from the Wizard of Oz. The priestess falls in love with McCoy but, alas, they cannot stay together because she has to stay to lead her people. Kirk promises to McCoy that he will get to visit the planet in the future. They never return.

There are some parallels between the episode and this one.

The biggest difference of course is that Natira is an alien priestess where Chaya was only pretending to be one. She tells McCoy something that is very relevant to the resolution of this episode:

McCoy: But we're strangers to each other. Natira: But is not that the nature of men and women? That the pleasure is in the learning of each other?

The pleasure is in the learning of each other. Getting to know the other person through shared experiences, through conversation, through sustained observation, through the exploration of each other's bodies, that is the journey that is so much more important than the destination. That's what a human connection is all about.

In another episode, McCoy describes human connection as follows:

You see, I feel more sorry for you than I do for him. Because you'll never know the things that love can drive a man do. The ecstasies, the miseries, the broken rules, the desperate chances. The glorious failures, the glorious victories. All of these things you'll never know simply because the word love isn't written in your book.

At the end of the episode, Chaya offers to share herself with Sheppard in the same way Orlin did with Carter. She tells her that they will know each other as well as anyone ever can. According to Orlin, this is a level of communication that shares their innermost essence. And Sheppard consents to this. They meld.

The thing is, this is what John Sheppard is desperately seeking. This connection to another, this wholehearted acceptance of everything that he is, including the darkness and pain and anger, and most of all his fear. Being so close to someone that they become a part of you. He used isolation to punish himself with because it's the thing that hurts him the most as he longs to love and to be loved so badly that he's willing to do anything to have it, even very dark deeds. So yes, he wants this. He wants this very much. But not with her. And not like this.

This is a cheat-code. This is hacking the process of forming a human connection. This is arriving at the finish line without having actually run the race. That's not a victory, it's meaningless. Yes, it does Sheppard a world of good to feel acceptance from someone. It does perhaps heal some parts of him. Especially feeling acceptance from someone who seems to be so very much like him. But Chaya Sar is not the love of his life and she never could be. Yes, she saved him but her own life was never in danger doing that. The gift that she gives him is not as precious as that which comes with true sacrifice and a conscious choice for him over and above all others.

So, he tells her "This is cool." Because that's what it is. It's a cool experience. He told her that he might visit her sometimes but we never see him return because once you've shared someone's innermost essence, what else is there left to learn about them? The pleasure is in the learning of each other. Learning about their childhood, their heroes, their likes, their dislikes, their allergies, their crushes, their exes, their sleeping habits and schedules, their favourite beverages, their fears, their anxieties, their dreams and nightmares, their family, their hobbies, their chess moves, their cultural background, even their password. Like Sheppard told her, he has a car he needs to get back by midnight. There's someone waiting for him back home. Someone who doesn't usually stay up as late as he does.

And from here, we move conveniently to an episode that has a lot to do with sleeping, and sleeping arrangements.

[bau-drabbles]

tw: suicide (just in the beginning), angst

i feel like i'm falling apart, aaron...

it was a sentence hotch couldn't stop echoing in his head, something that haunted him before he slept, after he awoke and all the minutes in between

he didn't know the extent of your darkness. it was always perfectly presented, under control, always reeled back. you were the ones the others had gone to for their issues, never the one that spilled their problems. you kept yours safe and tucked away, never allowing anyone to see the true extent of how dark your pain was.

and it was all of this which had become your undoing

two days before you had done the unthinkable, something hotch could never have been so prepared for. you took your life, leaving hotch more alone than he could've ever been. he should've seen the damn signs, his whole job was about this type of stuff. he didn't know how he could've missed it. and he kept going back, trying to revisit what he had glanced over. it was all the small subtle signs, everything he brushed under the rug or chalked it up to you not having a good day.

he had gotten the call from a fireman, collapsing in his chair as he prayed the ground was swallow him up. hoping he wouldn't have to do this, begging whoever was up there to not let it be you. it couldn't be you...

his team had come with, hotch didn't know if he could brave it alone. he already felt parts of him beginning to disappear with you. your scent was barely there anymore, a hollow reminder that your existence was ceasing by the second. and he couldn't a damn thing to prevent it.

and when they saw the scene it's not what any of them expect. hotch had his fair share of horrible scenes, but deep down he knew this one in particular would never leave his vision

the house was in flames, each wilder than the last. there was a crowd of firemen trying to get it under control, the smoke gagging anyone who came too near.

despite trying to encourage the little faith the team has, the men all know there can't be a survivor. not with the extent of the flames, not with how untamable it is. perhaps with a stroke of luck, you'll hobble put of the house. a little scarred but safe

but it's been 20 minutes and with no sign of life, everyone is beginning to lose hope

hotch is persistent, like his body is forcing him to go to the house and uncover the truths before it's too late. and it breaks everyone hearts to see their usually calm and collected team leader so distraught and inconsolable

"nonono she couldn't have. search the house again!" hotch barged through the men, ready to through the blazing fires to have you back in his arms again. and he almost made had it not been an arm keeping him behind, forcing him to stay in his position.

"let go of me morgan, y/n is in there!" hotch commands, trying to rip his hand free. he feels like he can't breathe and his eyes won't stop running, he can't even imagine how helpless he must look to the rest of his team.

"hotch, stop! she's gone, man. she's gone" derek's voice shatters at the end of his sentence, his own eyes shining with his tears.

it's when hotch looks at the rest of his team does he see the truth. rossi stands beside him, his eyes bloodshot. spencer remains in complete shock, looking at the house with horror. emily has her head slightly bowed, the tears dripping from her cheeks to the floor. penelope's shoulders shake with the cries she's holding back and morgan and jj keep looking back into the burning house to see some form of life. but they're met with emptiness.

"she promised. she wouldn't, she didn't. please..." he gasps the words through his tears, trying but unable to move from morgan's strong grip. it's the comfort that makes him break, he had already gone with this through haley. why did they punish you? hotch grips morgan's strong shoulders, his tears streaming down his face. the other holds him tightly, unable to stop his own few tears flowing down.

"they found her clothes. she's been burnt hotch, they can't get her body" emily responds as she comes back from the firemen, her eyes red as she looks back to the house. hotch looks back into the house, slowly falling to the ground.

you had gone and taken him with you

•••

a call comes in and you pick up, trying to calm yourself down but all you can hear is the thundering of your own heart breaking with every second away from hotch.

"you did well" there's a chuckle, a man's voice filling your ears. you don't reply, keeping quiet and trying to hold the tears at bay.

"an associate of mine will be there to pick you in 5 minutes. this was for the best y/n" he tries to lighten the mood but you cut off, not wanting to engage in conversation any longer. so many things you wish you could say, desperately wanting to run in your lovers arms and hold him until you merged as one. run to him, explain what's happening and why. do anything to indicate you're alive and well.

but your feet remain glued to the floor. all you can do is watch the man you love fall apart to pieces, knowing he would never be the same after this. you've never seen hotch cry so much, screaming at them that you're alive. begging to be in the house before it crumbled into dust.

and the sight of his anguish plunges you deeper in your despair like the sadness is choking you, completely cutting off your oxygen supply

a car comes behind you and guides you to the seat. you can hear someone faintly telling you something but it's all blurred. you remain motionless, staring out the window. it's futile to fight and argue. you can't do anything without risking your safety and his.

the car drives past your team and its like a movie where everything turns into slow motion. you watch all the steps happen, tears springing to your eyes once more. and you gasp softly, your fingers touching the glass.

it was practically amusing how close they were and yet they'd never felt so far

hotch's face is covered with his hands but his entire body shakes with the extent of his brutal sobs. your own tears track down your cheeks, the pure sadness of being the reason for his pain and unable to console him. you knew how destroyed he was after haley, who knew what would happen this time? how was he supposed to go about his days how was he supposed to be a god father to jack when his heart was splintering into pieces he'd never get back? how much more was he supposed to suffer?

you look at the rest of them and rossi glances at the car just for a second but its enough to make your heart still. he squints a little and you hear the blood roaring over your ears, completely ready for him to whip out his gun and force the car to stop. you hope and pray he does, his hand drifts towards his hip. right where the gun holster is and you can feel a burst of adrenaline whoot through your blood.

but he wipes his teary eyes, bending down to help his best friend. and you feel a strange feeling float all over you, hoping he would recognise you through the tinted windows and stop this nightmare. and call out to hotch, have you back in the safe sanctuary within your team.

and then the car drives away, leaving them in the dust. they become a small figure in the wind, until you're barely able to recognise them anymore. no matter how hard you squint your eyes, they're gone. you've gone away from them

these people take you to your new destination but your heart is left behind, burning in the flames of your lover.

[separatist-apologist]

What do you think about the theory that Rhysand was never supposed to be the main love interest? I can kind of see it, but was curious about your thoughts.

I disagree vehemently, and I would argue that there were a million obvious hints in ACOTAR that show Feyre was always going to end up with Rhysand. I think two things can be true: that she loved him and he was always going to be her first love AND that Rhysand was always meant to be her last love.

But just to back it up:

As early as page 15, the infamous:

I slung off my outer clothes onto the sagging dresser- frowning at the violets and roses I'd painted around the knobs of Elain's drawer, the crackling flames I'd painted around Nesta's, and the night sky-whorls of yellow stars standing in for white- around mine.



And then again, on page 31 when discussing why she'd chosen Isaac as a lover:

Relatively handsome, soft-spoken and reserved, but with a sort of darkness running beneath it all that had drawn us to each other, that shared understanding of how wretches our lives were and would always be.

When Lucien pays Feyre his backhanded compliment on page 53, he uses familiar night imagery often used to describe Feyre:

Your eyes are like stars, and your hair like burnished gold.

Here, on page 87, an amusing bit of foreshadowing about Feyre's future:

Prythian was ruled by seven High Lords- perhaps this she was whoever governed this territory; if not a High Lord, then a High Lady. If that was even possible.

When Feyre is faced with the Bogge and wants to look, she soothes herself (pg. 90):

I stared at the coarse trunk of a distant elm, thinking of pleasant things. Like hot bread and full bellies....A starry, unclouded night sky, peaceful and glittering and endless.

On 116, when Feyre finds the map of Pyrthian of all 7 territories, only one is spared any detail outside of the place she currently resides:

The other six courts of Prythian occupied a patchwork of territories. Autumn, Summer, and Winter were easy to pick out. Then above them, two glowing courts: the southernmost one a softer, redder palate the Dawn Court; above, in bright gold and yellow and blue, the Day Court. And above that, perched in a frozen mountainous spread of darkness and stars, the sprawling, massive territory of the Night Court. There were things in the shadows between those mountains- little eyes, gleaming teeth. A land of lethal beauty.

On 125, Feyre considers what she might want if she were immortal:

Did Tamlin or Lucien ever grow tired of day after day of eternal spring, or ever venture into the other territories, if only to experience a different season? I wouldn't have minded endless, mild spring while looking after my family- winter brought us dangerously close too death every year- but if I were immortal, I might want a little variation to pass the time. I'd probably want to do more than lurk about a manor house, too.

The first time Feyre really starts to relax around Tamlin and find joy in Prythian and her circumstances is at the pool made of starlight, which is such a long passage I'm just glossing over. Tamlin does comment she makes TWO jokes that day, and I'm choosing to draw a parallel between this moment and in ACOMAF when Feyre smiles for the first time after her ordeal under the mountain during Starfall. Feyre feels most at peace surrounded by starlight. [pg 159ish]

On 169, when Feyre thinks of her nightmares:

And though my dreams continued to be plagued by the deaths I'd witnessed, the deaths I'd caused, and the horrible, pale woman ripping me to shreds- all watched over by a shadow I could never quite glimpse-I slowly stopped being so afraid.

When Feyre can't stay away on Calanmai / mating bond language that SJM loves (pg. 183):

There was a string- a string tied to my gut that pulled me toward those hills, commanding me to go, to hear the faerie drums...

And then obviously this, on page 188:

Standing before me was the most beautiful man I'd ever seen

Like Feyre, Rhys is couched in Night imagery (pg. 189):

As if he'd been molded from the night itself I could have sworn tendrils of star-kissed night railed in his wake (190)

On 235, when Rhys goes to visit Tamlin, he alludes to the fact that he has his reasons for aligning with Amarantha, which are later explained in ACOMAF:

Her whore I might be, but not without my reasons

Also Feyre describing Rhys through the entirety of the scene in the Spring Court dining room is like...a brick to the face (starting page 234): 

Rhysand smiled- heartbreaking in its beauty.

His voice dropped to a whisper- an erotic caress of sound that brought heat to my cheeks

Rhysand laughed- a lovers laugh, low and soft and intimate

And from the way darkness seemed to ripple off him, from those violet eyes that burned like stars...

No- I would never dare to pain that dark, immortal grace-

Rhysand, when he realizes Feyre (who he is beginning to suspect might be his mate) is there (pg. 237):

A flicker of excitement- perhaps even disbelief- flashed across his features

Again, described in the same night imagery:

The sunlight didn't gleam on the metallic threads of his tunic, as if i balked from the darkness pulsing from him

on 310, when Amarantha demands Rhys explain the mix-up with humans, she thinks this when he lies:

Humans all look alike...I didn't believe him for a second. Rhysand knew exactly how I looked- he'd recognized me that day at the manor.

On 312, once again hating Rhys but thinking this about him:

She must have allowed him more power than the others, then, if he could still inflict such harm while leashed to her. Or else his power before she'd stolen it had been...extraordinary, for this to be considered the basest remains.

The obvious on 328:

"Yes, I'd say almost my entire court bet on you dying within the firs minute; some said you'd last five, and"- she urned over the paper- "and just one person said you would win."

Amarantha frowned at her list, and she waved a hand. "Take her away. I tire of her mundane face. " She clenched the arms of her throne hard enough that the whites of her knuckles showed. "Rhysand, come here."

The bargain of chapter 37, too numerous to detail (this is already so long)

The entire scene of Feyre in his bedroom, but especially this on page 342:

Indeed, it was still Rhysand's face, his powerful male body, but flaring out behind him were massive black, membraneous wings- like a bat's, like the Attor's. He tucked them in neatly behind him, but the single claw at the apex of each peeked over his broad shoulders. Horrific, stunning- the face of a thousand nightmares and dreams. That again-useless part of me stirred at the sight, the way the candlelight shone through the wings, illuminating the veins, the way it bounced off his talons.

344:

They grabbed for me, but he bared his teeth in a mile that was anything but friendly- and they halted. "No more household chores, no more tasks," he said, his voice an erotic caress. Their yellow eyes went glazed and dull, their sharp teeth gleaming as their mouths slackened. "Tell the others, too. Stay out of her cell. And don't touch her. If you do, you're to take your own daggers and gut yourselves. Understood?

When Rhys is trying to get a rise out of both Amarantha AND Tamlin on 349:

The Faerie Queen straightened a little bit- even Jurian's eye seemed fixated on me, on Rhysand. For the rest of my life- he said it as if it were going to be a long, long while. He thought I was going to beat her tasks.

Page 355, when they're talking (more mating bond foreshadowing):

Sadness flickered in those violet eyes. I wouldn't have noticed it had I had not...felt it-deep inside me.

His help in the second task, but especially this pep talk when she's breaking down over the thought of nearly dying on 366:

Don't let her see you cry. Put your hands a your sides and stand up. Stand. Don't give her the satisfaction of seeing you break. Good. Stare her down- no tears. wait until you're back in your cell. Count to ten. Don't look at Tamlin. Just stare at her. Good girl. Now walk away. Turn on your heel- good. Walk toward the door. Keep your chin high. Let the crowd part. One step after another.

369, this feels blatant:

It took me a long while too realize that Rhysand, whether he knew it or not, had effectively kept me from shattering completely.

Rhys visiting Feyre after that kiss and explaining why he's been making her dance, and what he hopes to accomplish on page 384:

Regardless of his motives or his methods, Rhysand was keeping me alive. And had done so even before I set foot Under the Mountain.

-and-

"When you healed my arm...You didn't need to bargain with me. You could have demanded every single week of the year." My brows knit together as he turned, already half-consumed by the dark. "Every single week, and I would have said yes. " It wasn't entirely a question, but I needed the answer.

A half smile appeared on his sensuous lips. "I know," he said, and vanished.

390:

Darkness rippled near the throne, and then Rhysand was here, arms crossed- as if he'd moved to better see. His face was a mask of disinterest, but my hand tingled. Do it, the tingling said.

394, Feyre once again drawing our attention to Rhysand during this horrible moment:

Rhysand's face had gone pale- so, so pale.

399, obvious foreshadowing:

Rhysand yelled my name again- yelled it as though he cared

400-401, more mating bond language:

Rhys's arms buckled as he fought to rise, and blood dripped from his nose, splattering on the marble. His eyes met mine. The bond between us went taut. I flashed between my body and his, seeing myself through his eyes, bleeding and broken and sobbing.

Chapter 45, when Feyre is dead but tethered to Rhys's soul, like COME ON.

412, more mating bond language as Feyre goes to Rhys:

I was pulled from sleep by something tugging at my middle, a thread deep inside.

414-415, two final scenes:

"You never told me you loved the wings- or the flying." No, he'd made his shape shifting seem...base, useless, boring.

He shrugged. Everything I love has always had a tendency to be taken from me. I tell very few about the winds. Or the flying."

-and then-

His eyes locked on mine, wide and wild, and his nostrils flared. Shock- pure shock flashed across his features at whatever he saw on my face, and he stumbled back a step. Actually stumbled.

Sorry this was so long. It escaped me BUT Feysand was always right there from the beginning. They were always going to be together, from book 1. SJM is a fated mates writer, and I think it's a blatant misrepresentation of the book she wrote to say ACOMAF is a retcon, and Feysand was never going to happen. People are free to disagree with me, of course, and say I'm wrong (but I'm not).

[chaifootsteps]

"I did like feral last year in October because I wasn’t that educated on why feral nsfw of any kind is bad and now I am very educated on that topic and have since not looked at or even drawn that type of art because I know it can lead to me harming an actual animal."

UUUHHH NEWSFLASH DOGGYSATAN, IF YOU FELT LIKE ENGAGING IN FERAL ART WAS GOING TO LEAD TO YOU HURTING AN ACTUAL ANIMAL, THAT IS VERY MUCH A YOU PROBLEM AND NOT A FERAL ARTIST PROBLEM-

THIS IS SUCH A WILD THING TO SAY, LIKE WHAT. THIS IS THE SAME KIND OF LOGIC THAT CHRISTIANS USE WHEN THEY SAY THAT FOLLOWING THE BIBLE/THE TEN COMMANDMENTS IS THE ONLY THING STOPPING THEM FROM COMMITTING HORRIBLE CRIMES, AND THEY QUESTION ATHEISTS' ABILITIES TO BE MORALLY GOOD BECAUSE THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND GOOD MORALS ACTUALLY JUST BEING COMMON SENSE TO PEOPLE.

I HAVE NEVER IN MY LIFE EVEN CONSIDERED THE POSSIBILITY OF RAPING AN ANIMAL BECAUSE I KNOW FOR A FULL-ON FACT IT WOULD NEVER EVER FUCKING HAPPEN REGARDLESS OF WHAT FICTIONAL ART I DRAW. JFC THAT'S LIKE SAYING DRAWING MURDER SCENES WILL TURN YOU INTO A MURDERER.

IF YOU GENUINELY THINK FERAL ART WOULD'VE LED TO YOU DOING SOMETHING LIKE THAT TO ANIMALS, THAT IS A MAJOR FUCKING "YOU" PROBLEM.

I, for one, have looked at a lifetime of dragon, werewolf, and monster dongs and never once had the urge to go out and rape a real animal. Please stay away from the animal shelter, DoggySatan.

[berrypass-de-murdler]

Apology (+ 2-21)

I deeply and sincerely apologize. I was very wrong about the situation and I should not have jumped to the worst conclusion. I have been extremely stressed these last few months, but I shouldn't have let myself assume things without proof. I don't want to hurt anyone here, ever, for any reason. I love you all so much.

(I will however note that this only applies to issues I was having on Tumblr - the events of the Discord server have not changed so please kindly try not to bring the server up to me unless you want more details or something...)

Still posting the next episode beneath this, but that was the most important part of this post.

DON'T READ THE EPISODES WITHOUT READING THE BOOKS!!

LOGICO: There is a dark secret on this island! VIOLET: …Glad you… figured that out on your own. LOGICO: And if we are to uncover it, we must ask ourselves… who killed Lord Violet? VIOLET: [in hysterics] IT WASN’T ME! I’D NEVER KILL MY OWN FATHER! LOGICO: Oh my god. I didn’t even suspect it was you. Until maybe now. ANYWAY, it happened in the Drakonian Civil War, after he had joined the Royal Resistance to fight the Reds. And there were many possible perpetrators. Such as…

It transitions into a gorgeous flashback for obvious purposes. 

LOGICO: Governor Lead, a horrible beast who could kill anyone just with a glare!

Lead roars and scrapes at the ground.

LOGICO: The even worse Major Red, a horrific tyrant who would kill anyone and everyone to benefit his own status.

Red leaps from above and lets out a piercing screech.

LOGICO: And the worst one of all… the Iron Tsar!

Giant army boots slam on the ground, slowly panning up to the Tsar’s gorgeous, miserable, cross-eyed pigeon face.

TSAR: [literal pigeon sound]

He sits upon his golden throne; the most menacing chonker. The massive Lead wanders in.

LEAD: I… TSAR: …betrayed me!!!

He pecks a lever which causes a trapdoor to immediately swallow Lead! Wonder where that sucker will end up. Major Red steps in.

RED: YOU!

He lunges with his talons, but is fended off with Tsar’s spear. 

TSAR: quiet. i can only assume you have some kind of explanation for the carcass on the floor. did someone ask you to kill the lord?

Red reveals his bazooka.

RED: It is still active. And the thing was speared with fangs. I can only guess Lead was the perpetrator. TSAR: it doesn’t matter where lead went. i never want to see either of you again.

Red ignores the droning, and is completely fascinated in the dead deer.

RED: It wouldn’t even be a crime to consume him. Wait… I live for crime. TSAR: don’t touch the body. RED: You will never command me. TSAR: i said don’t touch the fucking body

He gets up and holds his spear in Red’s beak. But his bloody talons are much stronger than Tsar’s weak wings, and he throws it back. He spits out a bit of blood, then shoves his beak clean into Lord Violet. When the Tsar fights back, Red holds him by the throat. Ripping into the deer, he pries out ivory false fangs, the tool the Tsar used to stab the creature to death. 

Irratino is having a dream about this very same scene. Not only that, he’s dreaming of Logico telling the others about this scene! He wishes he could reach out and hold him.

Logico is done explaining the scene.

LOGICO: And yet, solving this mystery only leads to another! Why would the Iron Tsar kill him if he joined his side of the war?  SUSPECTS: Because it’s the dark secret of the violet isles. LOGICO: Exactly! Th-

A cannon fires outside - what the hell?? Lady Violet rushes to the window.

The end!

So many epic designs that I can't make until their physical debuts </3

dancegico

um... i hope you accept my apology, and I don't wish to cause any more drama <3

The power of Goat Lord compels you!

See you next time murdlers!

[notquiteaghost]

i have a disease where seeing fun jokey fan content abt smth canonically tragic just makes me think abt the canonical tragedy even more. this post is about post-order 66 commander cody working closely with darth vader

because, yeah, okay, lot of comedic potential inherent in that dynamic. but personally i can't think about vader for more than three seconds without starting to want to rend my clothes and wail, so, in that vein,

one of the Things about post-order 66 cody is, like. [bucky barnes voice] but i did it. as far as he knows he DID kill obi-wan! he did that! and even if he learns he didn't actually order the killing blow, he did still order the killing blow. whether or not obi-wan is still, technically, alive doesn't negate that order 66 killed him. post-rots obi-wan is a dead man walking, a ghost in the sense of that siken quote; a ghost is something dead that doesn't know it's dead.

and one of the other things is. cody, during the clone wars, is a man with absolutely no meaningful agency and no good choices trying to do the best he can. and then it turns out his best was functionally meaningless, it turns out even when he thought he was managing to defy his explicitly-given purpose he was actually playing right into the hands of it, nothing he has ever done has meant anything good. it's a very fundamental part of the story of star wars, imo, that almost no one involved in the defeat of the empire was there for the birth of it. the specific way sidious won is so insanely demoralising. you thought you were doing good! you were sure! (you told yourself you were sure!) how can you ever be sure again!

so. all my love to stories about cody defecting, but my go-to interpretation is. he stays with the empire, until it kills him too, because it is so incredibly easy to continue as you were. leaving would be a decision. leaving would mean he is capable of deciding not to follow bad orders, and then why didn't he do it sooner. there is no space left in him for agency, even if the chip does allow for some, because if he has no agency it wasn't his fault. and if it wasn't his fault he can get out of bed and try to mitigate damage where he can.

(or not even that. i do like the idea that the chips aren't straight-up overwriting personhood so much as making personhood deeply unappealing. what good has personhood ever done you. all that effort and for what? you're still here. isn't it easier just to follow orders.

like i don't think pre-tcw / pre-chips works treated the clone troopers with much respect but there is something There re: agency & following bad orders & how real non-mind-controlled people do terrible things for no good reason all the time. cartoon network show, not going to do moral complexity, anyway i'm getting off topic)

so!!! speaking of guys who fucked up and now can't acknowledge they fucked up or their whole everything will crumble out from under them like so much sand!!!!

vader is also a guy with a chronic lack of agency who was manipulated into horrible acts and has now sunk cost fallacy'd himself into continuing to do more horrible acts forever. this isn't me being an apologist (it lied), this is the point of vader's character. you CAN, at any time, choose to be better! vader didn't, though. vader didn't for twenty years, because, again, the thing about choosing to be better is it's hard. it means you weren't doing good before. it means you cannot just mindlessly follow someone else, it means you have to think and make choices and take action.

it says a lot about vader that he only turned back to the light at the end. it's a lot easier to throw the last twenty years of your life away when you've only got to reckon with having done it for, like, five minutes. vader is a cautionary tale about the slippery slope of refusing to reckon with what you've done.

so. putting vader & cody in the same room...... two guys blaming themselves for killing obi-wan kenobi (the republic) while actively working for the guy who actually killed obi-wan kenobi and also so many others (the republic). and i don't think they would ever talk about that. i don't think they'd ever talk about anything, i do not think you can lean that far into being someone else's tool and remain capable of talking about yourself. but there sure is an elephant in that room with them, huh. it sure is holding a lightsaber and wearing a robe and very, very dead.

[dd-wyd]

Why?

He did not like it. Why did he not like it? The way Ulrika looked at the Arisen upset him. But why? She was a nice young lady, who has helped them as much as they helped her. Why would he feel such disdain for this sweet young woman?

Now she touched his shoulder. She shouldn't touch him! He was the Arisen. He was... there really was no reason why she shouldn't touch him, but Wyd still didn't like seeing it. 'Twas confusing. Why did this rattle him so much?

He stood a few feet away as he watched them talk, keeping a respectful distance as always. He wished he could be closer. He wished he could touch the Arisen as casually as Ulrika did. But why? Why was this so important to him? Why did he feel so upset when other people got close to Zachariah? Why did he dislike it when others made him laugh? Why?

None of this made sense to him. The Arisen was his Master, but there was something else beyond this ethereal bond that nagged at the back of his mind. He didn't just follow orders because he was a Pawn. He wanted to follow Zachariah. He wanted... He wanted? He shouldn't be wanting anything! Since when did--

"Come on," Zachariah's voice disrupted his train of thought. The Arisen stood close to him all of a sudden, a hand on Wyd's shoulder. A hand on his shoulder. It made him feel warm and content. But he did his best to not show any change in expression. It would be out of char--

"Let's get going. We still have enough daylight left, to make it a good distance before the sun sets." The Arisen pat Wyd's shoulder and started on his way, casually adjusting the straps of his pack as he walked.

"By your command, Arisen!" Wyd, replied automatically and followed. His shoulder still felt as if it had been blessed by the Arisen's touch. Wyd fell in step slightly behind Zachariah, still wrestling with his thoughts. This was all so very confusing. What he did know for sure though, was that he was glad to be on the road again. Alone with his Arisen. Just the two of them, with nobody else able to steal the Arisen away from him. Steal away? An odd thought. He slowly realized, that he didn't like 'sharing' the Arisen. He began to wonder if something was wrong with him.

Suddenly a thought struck him, and his eyes widened: Was this the sickness, he had heard about beyond the rift? The one that would cause Pawns to become unruly and abandon their charge? He felt his forehead for a fever, a sudden panic setting in. His eyes darted to the back of the Arisen's head, a sudden worry overwhelming him. Would he become more and more strange - more and more unruly? Would he eventually turn against Zachariah? That was the last thing he wanted. A horrible ache gripped his heart at the mere thought.

"Arisen, should I ever fall to this illness we've heard about, should I ever... turn on you," he began blurting out his thoughts, "Pray, do not hesitate to defend yourself. Even if you have to forfeit me."

Zachariah stopped and turned to him. "What?" He paused, looking at Wyd with confusion and worry, "Where is this suddenly coming from?"

Wyd's brows furrowed, "I just..." How was he supposed to explain, when he didn't understand it himself? For the lack of any better explanation, he simply admitted: "I've been feeling odd as of late."

Concern crept on the Arisen's features now, "Odd how? Since when?"

Wyd averted his gaze, "Since we arrived in Melve. Mayhaps I've just grown accustomed to being on the road with you, but with so many people swarming 'round you, I felt..." he paused, searching for the right word, "...threatened."

"Threatened? Like someone would harm us?"

"'Tis hard to explain, Arisen," Wyd let out a frustrated huff. Cursing himself for not being his eloquent self, when it came to his inner workings. "More like, someone would take you away. It made me... angry, when people got close to you. Arisen, I fear I am getting sick. Pray do not let me harm you!" His worries took over now, but Zachariah began to... smile at him? How could the Arisen smile, after such a revelation? Was he hallucinating now? Heavens, this was the end! This was--

"Wyd," Zachariah interrupted his spiraling thoughts, "Wyd, Wyd, Wyd," he repeated with a soft and fond tone, closing the distance between them. "You're not sick." He said, putting a hand on the Pawn's shoulder, then added in a whisper, "I think you're jealous." Wyd looked at him with utter confusion, but Zachariah seemed unphased and just smiled broadly: "I promise, nobody is ever going to take me away from you." Then he snaked his arms around Wyd's shoulders - a bit awkwardly due to the backpack being in the way, but he made it work - and started to walk again, body pressed against Wyd's side, "Come. A long road, with much time between just the two of us, awaits!"

Wyd didn't say anything. He was still confused. Pawns couldn't become jealous. He must be sick! But, the way Zachariah's body pressed against his, and how his arm weighed on his shoulders... it made him feel wonderful. Happy.

But why?

He decided he did not need to understand it now. Instead, he allowed himself to bask in the feeling of their bodies being so close as they walked. And he allowed himself to smile.